#lifelessons101 – Inviting  financial abundance into your house and home (4 min read)

 

We want to be more abundant, it is after all humanity’s Utopian natural state.   Health, wealth and happiness  (not necessarily in that order) is something we all desire.  And if you look at the world’s resources, there is more than enough for everyone so realistically we can all live abundant lives.  Yet in spite of that there is an imbalance in world of 21st century abundance. Some people have abundant lives and others don’t. Especially when it comes to money.

Personally I have had a terrible relationship with money (maybe you can relate). For almost all of my life I have craved abundant finances to go with my abundant life. For years I have been putting my positive vibrations out into the world and focusing on manifesting the abundant finances. And what has happened…………..the exact opposite. It’s not even like I haven’t been working for my abundance. I am dedicated hardworking, yet for a long, long  time nothing has seemed to have shifted. Money always seemed to come along and trip me up.  Sometimes it has felt like money had it in for me. And yet of course it wasn’t. My bad relationship with money was created by me. Not by being dumb with my finances (weeee’llll may be a tiny bit) but mostly by my conscious and unconscious negative associations and attitudes towards money and wealth.

So I have decided here and now in 2017 that my bad relationship with money is in the past and from now on money and I are going to have a glorious future together.  It is time to make friends with money. This is the year where I am going to shift into my natural state of abundance. And I want to take you all along for the journey with me.

This is obviously not a journey that will be overnight (or in one #lifelesson101). We all know how long it takes to get over a bad relationship and make friends with an ex. This is one love affair that is going to take some effort to create. However in this first month I have made some real progress and already I can see a shift, if not physically but energetically in my state of financial abundance. I have spent this month inviting abundance into my house and home and baby step, by baby step, the universe is beginning to respond.  Here’s how I have been doing it….

Writing to money as if it was a person:

On the advice of my mentor I wrote money a letter as though it was a person . I let all of my feelings and frustrations about money gush out and wow was I shocked by the strength, passion and in fact unadulterated hatred that spilled out onto the page.

However it was a really positive experience as for the first time in my life I could really see where my problems with money started and identify what I needed to do. When you know what the problem is you are ten times closer to the solution so I highly recommend do this groundwork.

Forgiveness

If we have had a bad time in any relationship we need to forgive the other person and ourselves if you are to have a positive future together. Well I had (and have) a lot of forgiving to do to rebuild my relationship with money. At the moment I am working with one of my favourite methods of forgiveness the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono. I could write a whole article about this but as Johnathan Davis has already written  a brilliant article I highly recommend you read that after this. (Click here)

Thanking

The practice of gratitude improves every aspect of life, no matter what it is.  I had honestly never thought of thanking money for what it gives me. I started by writing a gratitude list. “I am thankful to money for giving me food, my diabetic medicine, the opportunity to study” so on and so forth. It was exhilarating! It was amazing how much money does for me that I had never really thought about. Try it. Think about everything money gives you, the list is endless.

Continuing  on this practise of being grateful to money for its gifts when I now have a bill to pay I thank the universe for it’s abundance that I have the money to pay it rather than stressing about having another bill. It makes paying bills so much more enjoyable than before!

Invitation into my life and my home.

When we meet someone we want to have a relationship with we at some point invite them into our homes. We make them feel important and welcome and naturally they respond to the invitations we send to them. Now I am starting to feel more comfortable with money I have opened up my house to money and abundance by creating an abundance altar. I highly recommend it. The idea initially was to attract money however as I started to think about what abundance means to me I found that not only did I want to have representations of my finances I also wanted things that represented what makes me feel abundant Now my altar has my business cards, pictures of my family, silver, abundance affirmations, candles I made at one of the goal setting workshops I ran and a bowl containing slips of paper with everything,  everyplace and everyone  written on that makes me feel rich and abundant. Starting next week I intend to take out one of these pieces of paper everyday and that the universe for the abundance it has given me on whatever I have written on that piece of paper.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

A new perspective

As this month has gone on I am noticing more and more that instead of seeing money as this limiting and bossy thing in my life I have begun to view money simply as energy.  Wonderful giving energy. And this my friends is where the shift has really started to happen.

By seeing money as something that gives and viewing it as fluid moving abundance I have freed up a massive part of my consciousness. I am slowly emptying myself of my old negative limiting beliefs about money. as my enemy, which means I now have space in myself to see money as positive energetic expression of the abundance of the universe.

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This process has shown me how abundant and rich my life is. It has motivated me to give more, to think less of myself and think more of how I can help others feel happier, the way I do right now.  One month ago I was coming from a place where I  blamed lack of money as the source of discontent in my life. And now? Now I feel abundant all the time. When the smaller abundances come along I notice and practice gratitude. And the more I do this, the more abindance I attract. I have in fact in this week managed to manifest a pair of scales in 5 mins for only 3 pounds. Desire, thought manifestation. It was honestly that easy. (And an affordable scales in 5 minutes is not an easy manifestation.)

Has my monetary wealth increased in this month. Not yet, well actually a little. However the doubt that I will attract more money to my life is dissapearing. And we already know that when you free space in your mind by removing negative thoughts, patterns and behaviours you leave space for ………………………… well let’s see what enters in the next month. I have a few more strategies I am planning on trying out so check in next month to see how my abundance journey is going

Dedicate an hour and a space in your home to exploring your relationship with money and make an abundance altar. I promise you that you will feel a shift in your outlook . (And please please do post pics below of your abundance altars so we can inspire each other!)

Have a great weekend and remember enjoy the journey!

 

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Spring to life! Inspiration from nature for your own personal Spring growth in 5 steps.

Spring is here! No it is. Really. I know you may not feel it right now looking out of your window at the grey colour of the sky, but it is really here. Look a little longer and deeper at the outside world. And listen. Outside in nature everything has come alive once more. The deep green shoots are pushing through the earth, snow drops, daffodils, crocuses. Colour is returning around us. Birds are flying around us and the air filled with their songs.

You might be thinking “ Yay, woohoo. Spring is here. What the heck does that have to do with with my personal growth and reaching my goals?” Well I’m glad you asked because Spring can actually boost our personal growth, if we choose  to let it.

Let me explain. Right now we are actually at a special point in the solar calendar (Or to use its proper name the Astronomical calendar. For a more in depth explanation click here). It is the time of Spring Equinox. What this basically means is that we here have a short period where day and night are at equal length. It is a point of transition, it could be said between the darker half of the year, Autumn and Winter; and the year’s lighter half, Spring and Summer. After this point in the year this is when nature goes completely ballistic with activity (pretty much until its exact opposite time in the calendar Autumn Equinox). From the flurry of activity preparing the beds in the garden and planting seeds now the first frosts have gone, to the buds that are starting to sprout leaves on the trees and the explosion of birth in the animal kingdom, spring is like nature’s equivalent of our pre christmas  shopping. The game is on! Now we are part of this natural cycle, no matter how far removed our lives seem from it today. Something in our deepest dna gets reawoken during the spring. Instinctively we feel that this is a time of transformation and of new birth.

We used to be really in touch with this  shift in nature’s cycle before we became an industrial society. Today however around Equinox people just tend to feel a little wobbly beforehand and then improve and balance out again afterwards, without noticing or understanding why. (It’s actually very obvious to see if you are working with children, the same as when it’s full moon their energy goes temporarily bananas.)

Once the Equinox is over, and with the added bonus of sunshine; we start to feel friskier, more alive.  So instead of walking around with our head in the proverbial, and in some cases actual smog of modern life. Imagine what you could achieve if you could harness this transformational and vibrant life energy of Spring and applied it to your own life. How different would your life look with a transformation, an energy boost and a surge of inspired activity leading to your own growth?

Very different. And trust me it feels very, very good. In the last 20 years I have been working with nature’s cycles as a guide and tool for my own personal growth and I want to share with you a 5 things you can do to connect with the boost of Spring and re-energise your life. These suggestions are easy and practical to do and will fit into any lifestyle and time frame. You can choose one, a few or all of the below. Do those that inspire you, whatever steps you try you will gain you a fantastic boost of inspiration, whilst reconnecting you with a cycle that humans have been part of since the dawn of humankind.

As its Spring Equinox today why not try the first today and get reconnected with yourself.

Go out for a walk alone

Its simply that. As soon as you can go out for a good hour on your own. Go where it is green. This can be in a woods, in a forest, around the local park and cemetery. Wherever nature is around you. Ignore your phone, Facebook, Twitter, Tinder, emails, sms’s. For this one hour nothing but you and nature exists. (If it helps put some music on.) Use your time to look for signs of the spring returning. Look down at the ground and up at the trees. Smell the earth. Instead of just observing nature, interact with nature. Touch, feel , smell and listen to it. Give yourself the opportunity to awaken your senses and have a sensory experience. Our senses work to engage our attention and help our brain become more alert of our surroundings so when we stimulate them we are actually giving our brain a workout, giving ourselves more focus and intelligence.

Whilst walking allow yourself to think about your life, your goals. Allow inspiration to come and go. I often use nature as the macrocosm to reflect the microcosm of my life. How does it reflect externally what is happening with me internally. When you get home allow yourself 30 mins to free write any of the observations, inspirations, realisations you had.

(This is a great way to connect in with nature AND yourself. It can be done at any time of the year, each season has its own glory and teaching. If you don’t have a chance to do anything else do this one. For something so simple it has such a huge payback.)

Balance yourself

Nature is doing it so why not join in. After all when did you last check in with yourself? Balancing yourself could take the form of making a work life balance assessment (The Life MOT ), realigning your chakras, taking a yoga class or practising a five minute balancing meditation exercise (Here’s my favourite the Tree of Life on Youtube for some inspiration.) Another great way to do this if you have the opportunity is to create an equinox day for yourself giving yourself equal hours of work, rest  and play.  

Clear out

Spring is traditionally associated with “ the spring clean”. In my opinion this tradition arises from the time when we had been staying inside the longhouse during the winter. With the arrival of spring and the new light, more time can be spent outdoors therefore it was time to clean out the house to make space for the new food and materials to be stored after harvest.

Although spring cleaning your home may seem like an arduous and strange task to be doing to help us tune into nature, it is in fact bringing us home into the cycle. In order for new growth after winter beds need to be cleared for the new plants coming. When we tidy around ourselves we also tidy within ourselves (an in times of mind turmoil and confusion can be the achievable task that gets you through the day). Physically by shifting the winter’s dust and cobwebs you are also making your home a healthier place to be. Spring cleaning as unlikely as it seems is a true mind body spirit procedure. So grab a duster, chuck out the old bills you have no use for and if you want a good cleansing after all that hard work book yourself into a spa detox day, go have a healthy lunch with a detox smoothie with friends or jump into the sauna at the local swimming pool. After all life doesn’t all have to be hard work!

Make or revisit your plans

A great way of harnessing the Spring energy is to make or revisit your plans for the year. What goals are working towards? What do you want to create for yourself or your friends and family this year? I find that making plans for actualising my dreams are a lot easier after the Spring Equinox than before. (And if you haven’t got any plans for this year then have a look at my 4 part series on making new year’s resolutions that are easy to keep, it is still new year after all).

It’s at Equinox I revisit my plans, check in to see what is actually realistic now I am further into the year and make detailed plans for those goals. We have in our house a ritual where we combine an Easter tradition and spring goal setting by blowing and painting 3 eggs. (I know it does sound a little strange, bear with me and I’ll explain). On each egg we paint symbols of our 3 main goals we want to achieve. It is a fun way of refocusing our own energy and the symbology of the egg itself reminds us of the spring birth energy throughout the year. And we get to invite our inner children and creative minds into our goal setting process. (Btw the eggs often do look as though our inner children have painted them!)

Take positive action

Remember Walt Disney said “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” Of And nothing beats connecting with Spring energy like taking positive action. Doing something constructive for new growth is the real theme in nature right now. Personally it is at this time of year I connect with my accountability partner (we have a winter break from Jan – March.) At this time of year we lay out our new goal achieving strategies and support each other to take action. An accountability partner is a great way to support you to manifest what you want in your life. However you might be in need of a different type of positive action. It could be you need a day out to rest and recuperate or an evening connecting with your family to reconnect with yourself. Or it could be time for a life overhaul or just doing that thing that has been bugging you for ages that you haven’t got around to doing. Whatever it is identify what you need to do and do it. And then do the next thing. Small achievements and big achievements go a long way in making us feel great about ourselves and our abilities. So get out there and get going. You will feel fantastic afterwards.  Personally I will be found weeding our garden this weekend. ( I haven’t a clue exactly how to do this as I have never really had my own vegetable garden before, however I am gonna give it my best!)

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Have a great week allowing the Spring Equinox energy to inspire growth, balance and action in your life and have fun getting your spring boost on!

Happy Spring Equinox ❤

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#lifelessons101- The ultimate instant stress relief – Set you inner child free this weekend! (4 min read)

This week has been amazing! Honestly I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in such a long time.

And why? Well this week I have spent a lot of time doing things that has made my inner child incredibly happy. I kid you not! (Sorry. Inexcusable terrible pun… I couldn’t resist it)

Seriously though the last month or so has been stressful (even life coaches get their fair share of tough times you know – I like to think of them as opportunities to practise what I preach and walk my talk). However after finding the 3 steps to turning my monday frown upside down meant I released my inner child, she just continued wanting to play. All the time. So I thought what the heck and decided to make opportunities for her to do just that. We painted, we played games, we watched funny films and we danced, a lot. As often as appropriately possible I took the non serious approach to life and was even to be found galloping around a car park and practicing human dressage! (See the wonderful BBC tv series Miranda.)

The result? I am happier and feeling healthier. I’m definitely more relaxed and freer within myself. The biggest shock of all was that today I found out that in the middle of all of this I have also managed to complete all of my major tasks WITHOUT NOTICING IT! Somehow just by making minimal daily lists and making time for me to indulge my inner child’s whims, I have had one of the most productive weeks I have had in 2017.

Now don’t get me wrong, I get that most of us can’t always release our inner child whenever we want. Not the best idea when pulled over for a random spot check breathalyzer for example. However what I have discovered this week is that allowing my inner child to rule the roost, I have also made other people smile. Which honestly has made my life so much better on so many levels. In the words of Miranda “Life needs to be more jolly”. And it’s true. Everyone needs to feel happier. I can’t think of a single person who if asked “would you like to be happier or more stressed ?”, would opt for stress. So by letting your childish side come out you can actually improve the world around you.

You might be thinking. That’s ridiculous! I can’t be childish all the time. Well no I expect you can’t if you interpret the world childish in a particular way. Especially not if yo look down upon children as lesser than adults. However when I think about children I think about how they see and interact with the world. Children are inquisitive, they want to know how the world works. Children find joy in the smallest of things like a pretty stone, a funny face. They laugh more than us. Children are in touch with their feelings. Children find every possible opportunity to play.  Children are naturally kind and caring. They are not afraid to show love to anyone who needs it or who gives it to them. Children use their joy and their fantasy to make the world a special amazing place and create their dreams. Now that doesn’t sound like so bad a person to be. Does it?

The challenge is for us as adults to tap into our childish source without stepping completely out of our current role. So if you as an adult want  to be less stressed out. To be like the children I described above  then you need to consciously give your inner child a chance to come out. This weekend release your inner child! Do whatever it is that made your 8 year old self happy that you don’t do now. Reconnect with the you that you were to find the joy in who you are now.

Whether you decide to continue giving your inner child opportunities to come out after the weekend is entirely up to you. However I can guarantee that if twice this weekend (once on  Saturday and once on Sunday) that you do something you used to love as a child, your stress level will be dramatically reduced.  It is also so much more fun to do this with a friend, so get your friends family involved – its play date time!

Explore you childishness this weekend. And on n Monday it’s up to you to decide if you want to build a new pillow fort every day and keep connect with your inner child daily or not. Choose whatever works for you. After all it’s you who creates your journey ,so you choose what makes you enjoy that journey the most.
Have a fantabulous, funtastic  weekend – I’m off to go and run around with swords and play vikings with Mr T and friends!

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Turn your Monday frown upside down in three inspiring and hilarious steps!

Mondays uggh! Some days you just get out of  the wrong side of the bed. Today I had it on overload. At 3 minutes to 8am I was done. Even after spending time going through my gratitude list and my positive affirmations 3 secs later something new just annoyed me. Nothing seemed to be shifting my irritable negative cloud. I could have quite happily returned to my bed and slept until the weekend – you know the scenario.

So I started to think about what could make me feel better, what can you do to turn around a monday frown upside down when all the odds are against you? The universe kindly responded by showing me and now as I am sitting here writing to you I am buzzing with energy and dancing along to Don’t Worry Be Happy! (Surreal to think if I had heard this song this morning it would have bugged the heck out of me). So what’s the secret? It’s really simple and easy to follow. If you want to turn you Monday frown upside down and enjoy the rest of your day in spite of getting out of bed on the wrong side follow my three simple steps kindly taught to me today by the universe.

Open up and breath

I know this is the tough part. The last thing you want to do when you are annoyed or irritated is to stop being annoyed (humans, such weird creatures we are). However  if you want to feel happier you need to take charge internally and open yourself up to the possibility of shifting your mood.  And one of the easiest ways of doing this is power  meditating.

I have tried a lot of meditation and always struggled with it however power meditating is the most simple  and shortest meditation/affirmation technique of them all! The concept is simple. Just as a quick power nap freshens the body a quick power  meditation freshens the soul – I found this technique here at Mind Body Green (however the name is from yours truly).

Basically you focus on your breath and breath deeply into your belly allowing it to relax and become soft. Then begin internally repeating to yourself, “Breathing In, I calm myself. Breathing out, I smile.” And you keep doing this until you find you begin to smile. The corners of your mouth start twitching and as you smile you feel better and open for an improvement in your day.

Be creative and release your inner creative child

Children get the better deal. Hours of playtime, oh don’t you miss it. Especially the hours we all spent with paint brush or crayon in hand creating scribbly, wibbly stick men masterpieces to be lovingly displayed on Mum’s fridge. On a crappy day allowing yourself the freedom to doodle, draw and paint the way you did all those years ago (not so long ago for some of you) is absolutely the best medicine.

Why? Because creativity clears the mind. It craves focus which prevents you from being caught up with negative or stressful thoughts. The other equally important part of creating in childhood is that it involves interacting with colour. Colour is all around us but unless we have been lucky enough to follow a creative career path we often stop interacting with it in our adulthood. Colour impacts our moods, our feelings and our behaviours. Best of all our interpretation of colour is completely utterly personal, No-one in the world experiences and reacts to the different colours in exactly the way you do. Stands to reason that interacting with colour liberates us unconsciously.

Step two is simple – Be Creative. However I don’t want you just to be creative, to get rid of your bad mood. I want you to be as creative in a childish way. Small children don’t care. If they make a picture they love it, because they enjoyed making it. They have freedom to express their creative potential because they don’t compare themselves and their abilities with everyone else’s. Something we have all forgotten how to do.

Now I don’t mean you should regress completely and allow your inner child to take over your workplace. However an hour of childish artistic freedom works wonders on any black cloud day. I was lucky today. I got a few hours to paint and stick and glue, in an art class (the wonderful perks of studying human development means you get these kind of opportunities). However if you are at work I get that it can be challenging to suddenly get the crayons out and begin to make stick figure drawings. Luckily the recent fad for mindfulness colouring books and zentangling has made grownup colouring much more socially acceptable, plus it is a great way to be creative without having to initiate the process of the drawing. The first chance you get today grab some paper, draw or make some time to colour. Don’t get caught up in being artistically perfect, get caught up in the experience of playing with colour and the freedom of creating. No matter what it is you make, your inner child will think it is wonderful and if you end up smiling who the heck cares what you drew! (And if you really don’t want to be artistic on paper, another easy and fun way to be creative and interact with colour is Lego. I am serious. And the bonus is that there is always some small child in the world very happy to take it off your hands when you have done the making).

Be stupid and play

Do something stupid. I don’t mean stupid in the buy 100 lotto tickets way, I mean stupid the way you did when you were small. Play. We as adults are incredibly self conscious and caught up in what other people think of us. Getting out of our stuff and doing ‘something daft’ (as my mum would say) is not just a liberating experience for us but for everyone around us. The important factor here is to make sure whatever you do is physical and has absolutely in no way at all a connection to your adult life (which means going to the gym does not count).

Start a paper aeroplane competition, have a pillow fight, jump in puddles.If you dare

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Miranda daring to be daft !

go bigger and follow the wonderful example of Miranda Hart in the BBC series “Miranda” who makes the enjoyment of living alone an art form. The picture says it all…

 

If at all possible do something daft with friends, it makes you laugh more. Today in my second class of the day I was to be found wearing a giant rabbit costume whilst we reenacted a nursery rhyme dance as part of a demonstration of a cognitive and creative development activity for children (again the opportunities of studying human development).

The unexpected byproduct of this experience was the  liberating effect on the adults taking part. Suddenly dressed as fairy tale characters and dancing around playing a game each of the adults came out of their shells. It was a sight to behold.

However as you may have hidden your Buzz Lightyear costume in the darkest recesses of your loft I recommend instead of watching the news tonight getting out the Twister. Nothing lifts the mood like entangling yourself in an impossible position and howling with laughter.

And if nothing else there is always the option of dancing around like a ninny in the kitchen to your favourite music.

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You may notice that the universe today provided me with an experience of childhood which I am recommending to you. To be honest returning to a child’s world perspective, getting out of yourself, ignoring your adult mental constrictions and having a few hours playing and creating, reminds you why life is worth living and it makes sense. Try it (even if you think it sounds bonkers) you will see what I mean.

Combine the acts of breathing, creating and being stupid and I guarantee you that your Monday (or any day of the week) frown cannot possibly remain.

Life is our own adventure so choose to make yours a fun one!

 Have a fantastic week , got to dash I’m off to have a disco in my kitchen (Cue Abba “I am the dancing queen …..”)  

Happy Monday 🙂

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#lifelessons101 – Sometimes doing what you don’t want to do is exactly what you need and comes with unexpected bonuses (2 min read)

 

Sometimes doing what you don’t want to do is exactly what you need to do. I know when talking about life or personal development we talk about making informed, positive choices. Facing situations with positivity. Sending out the right vibrations. And yes all of these things have value. However there are sometimes in life where you just have to do the things you are unwilling to do. It (at the start)sucks but in the end it brings you the bigger rewards.

 

Take last weekend for example. I was at a “viking” fighting training weekend (yes when I am not running around with a wand playing Tonks, you can often find me running around with a metal replica sword, bashing and being bashed by my friends. Yep I  am a viking re- enactor. I love to fight with r a system known as  western style. It’s on one hand similar to tag with weapons and a lot of historical background! On the other it’s an amazing international and ever evolving sport.) Now in this sport I am not the best, not by a long shot; and typically when participating in training weekend workshops I often have had a tendency to hide away and not fight with the technically clever, aka the people who are blooming good and are probably going to win every fight we have. Basically I would (previously) get into my stuff and limit myself by trying to protect myself from feeling rubbish about my lack of abilities by using one or another excuse to get out of the fights with said people.

 

I know, I know a low self belief spawned, self created situation/drama.

 

And one of which I was completely  unaware of until last weekend when I found myself at a workshop (which I had chosen due to personal interest in the subject)in the company of some the best fighters I know. So I didn’t have a choice. I had to spar with them. I was simply forced into doing something I normally wouldn’t choose to do. And what did I gain? Well I gained a hell of alot. Firstly I realised this whole self limiting and self creating behaviour drama cycle thing I didn’t notice I was doing. And once I got out of my reacting mindset and into my responding humble mindset I learnt more. I even realised how I learn best (which by the way is agonisingly slow, when it comes to doing things with my own body, it’s an Aspergers co-ordination thing). From sparring with those guys, letting down my guard, I learnt so much more because their ability stretched mine and wow do I feel grateful to them and to myself for allowing this learning.

 

And the benefits of doing something I didn’t want to do didn’t stop there.

 

By day two of the training weekend I was at yet another workshop surrounded by much more able people (some of who I would consider to be the best in this sport, this time with a humdinger of a hangover). However now I was aware of it I chose the what the fuck I am doing it anyway even when I don’t want to attitude. Instead of shying away from the harder fights  (in my head) I choose them and by the end of the weekend I had learnt more in two days than I have in two years of fighting. It was exhilarating!

 

Doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do actually freed me from my mental constraints and opened up possibilities for me that weekend. But could that be a one off event? Nope. Being as I like to experiment. I have applied this theory all week. Even today after a week of being home sick (turns out it wasn’t just a hangover I was also sick) I had to return to school, something I really, really did not want to do. And yet it turned out to be exhilarating. The welcome, the learning, the shared jokes. Even when having to point out my opinion against everyone else’s (something I don’t find difficult in English but hate to do in another language). Once again Doing the exact opposite of what my instincts were telling me I wanted to do freed me leaving me open to new experiences. Wow.

 

Now I understand you maybe thinking “I thought I am supposed to respond to my instincts so how can doing the what I don’t want to do fit that picture?” Well asked grasshopper. From what I have learned in the last 7 days, it’s about trying it out. Our brains and especially our unconscious can be very devious. It sends out all kinds of messages and a lot of them contradict each other, making following our instincts very difficult. Ultimately I have found if there is something you really don’t want to do but dare to do it anyway you will often find that it was actually something you wanted to do, you just hadn’t realised it. The making yourself do it was just the kick up the bum you needed to get going.

 

The key to gaining the most from the experience is to (as always) remain open. If you are closed you will only ever endure the drama of doing what it is you didn’t want to do and how awful that was for you. Remain open to the possibilities presented to you when doing something you really didn’t want to do and you will be pleasantly if not overwhelmingly surprised by the benefits.  The choice is yours, its how you choose to experience it.

 

So next time life presents you with something you really don’t want to do – do it * Open your mind and try. The way I see things, any experience in life is a good thing if we learn something from it. Because by learning we grow. So open your mind and dive in. Whether it is facing your hardest opponent, returning to work after being ill or even going to a gig on your own, no matter what it is, by doing that thing you least want to do you will find wealth of learning, possibilities and experiences that you could never have found if you stayed in your comfort zone.

 

So whenever you get the chance break out of yourself, kick your own butt  and choose to do the thing you don’t want to do. You never know what adventure you may start ….

 

Enjoy the journey ❤

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(*With of course taking into consideration that your and other people’s safety will not be jeopardised. Always ce careful of you and other people)  

#Lifelessons101 – Arrgh! I’m surrounded by idiots – 3 emotionally intelligent ways to deal with the most annoying of people (3 min read)

 

You know life sometimes just seems to be filled with annoying people. Everywhere you go you meet someone who is irritating or unnecessarily stupid or even worse you meet someone and it is hate at first sight. Meeting annoying people or even someone who you instantly dislike is unfortunately something we have all experienced. (If you haven’t I commend you fine person please write in the comments how you do it because we mere mortals will be happy to learn your secrets.) It’s like that person in someway shape or form manages to get under your skin, irritate every possible nerve, conscious and unconscious thought. And why? Why do we have times where we meet people like this? Well it would be very easy to say the world is full of idiots and that’s that. However we all know deep down inside that’s just not true.

 

Whenever we feel a strong emotion (especially when it comes right out of the blue) it is the universe jumping up and down with a message for us. (Note to self: it must be friday because in my mind there is now a picture of the universe jumping up and down wearing heavy wooden clogs and screaming “Notice me!”. Next note to self: you are rambling. My apologies.) So what is the message that the universe sending you when you seem to be surrounded by halfwits and people that get under your skin?

 

This week the universe has been sending me irritating people and annoying situations by proxy. I have spent most of the week observing other people’s interactions going horribly wrong so much so that  I was becoming totally overloaded and also starting to be drawn into the drama. Until yesterday someone had a conflict and in helping them I reminded myself of three life pearls of wisdom regarding why other people can annoy us so much. In remembering these pearls I was able to step back from the drama around me and use this universal message to learn more about myself, grow a little and enrich my life’s journey. Now who would have thought that from being surrounded by idiots eh!?

 

So here are three easy things to remember that will help you in any situation, with any annoying person. The trick is remembering them and applying them.

They remind you of you

Whaaaaaaat ! ( I can hear you from here). Yes it’s true. Whether its the annoyingly slow person serving at the counter or that person you absolutely hate, the reason they annoy yo is because they remind you of you. But not the good part of you. They remind you of a bit of you that you don’t like. Especially with hate at first sight.

Have a look at the person you dislike or are most annoyed by and mentally describe that person and compare them to you. For example the bossy domineering, controlling person in your workplace is actually you when you are stressed and trying desperately to hold things together by bossing other people about.

This exercise is not easy but it is INCREDIBLY enlightening. It can identify hidden fears, negative self narratives or unresolved issues and by uncovering these unciousous things we become soo powerful.

It’s their stuff

Let’s face it one of the most irritating thing another person  can do is react negatively towards you. A tone of voice or a facial expression can be the catalyst for a personal feud lasting generations or (on a slightly more realistic level) a sense of irritation and frustration that follows you round annoying you for the rest of the day. Now wouldn’t it be great to be able to let go of that. You can. Basically you have to realise that it’s the other person’s stuff. Whatever the reason they reacted it is based on something in them, their personal world. It’s not your stuff it’s theirs. So let it go. We have enough of our own emotional baggage to deal with without carrying someone else’s.  

Remembering that it’s not your stuff not only releases you from your personal dramas it also has the added bonus of freeing you up to handle the other person differently which will make whatever the situation is better.

You can only work on yourself

The two realisations above can lead you to some very important personal reflection and growth. It is important to realise when it comes to other people you are not in control. You cannot help them to have the above realizations and respond to you and themselves in an emotionally intelligent way, that’s up to them. (Well you can ofc share my articles with them! However they might not have the same impact on someone else as they do with you).

What you do have control over is you. You can control how you respond to a situation. You have a choice. And it’s your choices that make that interaction with another person positive or negative. Now I hated the person who first told me this (for about 3 mins). However it’s a fact. We have the power in us to react or respond. To live in a world of instincts or to take control and look deeper within to understand and grow.

 

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When you use these thought processes in practice it frees you up to a whole new world of interactions with other people as well as a new level of self awareness and emotional intelligence. Try them out this weekend and make a mental note of how much happier you are to be around people that would normally drive you crazy, The world is only full of idiots when you’re stupid enough to allow it to be! It’s your life, your choice, so make the best choices for you ❤

 

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What planet is he/she on ?!?!?! – 5 ways to understand other people (3 min read)

What planet are they on?!?! There is not one of us who has not asked this question at least once in our lives. Sometimes understanding other people can seem like the most impossible task in the world. It doesn’t matter who it is or your relationship to them. It could be  the teacher that sets the impossible to understand assignment, the guy who never contributes at work, the girlfriend who insists on buying another pair of shoes  or the friend or child that does the exact opposite of what you believe to be reasonable behaviour, sometimes other people are just hard to understand.

Infact not understanding  other people is one of the most common day to day problems we all have as humans. No matter where we are, how we live or what we believe, this is a life challenge that we all have in common. And it is also a challenge that we all have to overcome because like or not we need other people.

But when your communication with another person is as effective as static on a radio it can have seriously negative results on your life. (You know the scenario in my brain’s cinema. In the background one long beeeeep whilst both people make increasingly larger incomprehensible gestures at each other, a situation made absolutely more  ridiculous that they  can’t understand each other because you are actually speaking the same language. You know it, you’ve been there.) Why does communication often go so wrong? There are many answers to that question however often or not, the answer is because we have an emotional investment. And it’s those emotions investments that create misunderstandings.

And that my friends is actually good news! If it’s our emotions getting involved then we can do something about it.  How ? By using Emotional Intelligence (which in a nutshell can be defined a the ability to identify and manage our own  emotions and the emotions of others). Emotional intelligence techniques are vast and many (try typing emotional intelligence into Youtube, Amazon or Google you will see what I mean).  So I am not going to go too deeply here and now. I prefer to share with you (and remind myself !) 5  ways of using emotional intelligence to help understand someone else, even when they seem to live on a completely different planet.

Remember we aren’t all the same: It sounds simple but how often do we forget that people don’t function like we do. This is especially true of people we are very close to like a lover or a partner. Just because you eat together, sleep together, train together or work together does not mean anyone you know is the same as you or has 100% the same perspective as you. We all see things differently. Infact one of life’s universal truths is that no-one will ever have an exact carbon copy of your world view. Accept it and move on. 

Not understanding is your problem not theirs: In the world of not understanding people we are fantastic at putting the blame on to other for it. Even more so if we get back up. For example many people can misunderstand someone who is chronically shy as “strange, aloof thinks she is above us”. If you don’t understand someone it’s more about you than it is about them. Take responsibility for your role, it is not the world’s job to respond to you, it’s your job to find out how to respond to the world.

Check in with yourself: Understanding ourselves better helps us remove barriers to understanding others. What do I mean by this? I mean that when you find yourself not understanding someone then figure out where your emotional investment is and how is that blocking your understanding. By doing this you will not only check in with yourself but you will also learn the habits of your own emotional reactions

Ask don’t assume: The more we ask the more we learn. Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. We often believe we understand when we don’t or worse pretend we understand when we don’t. What would be worse for you telling someone about a serious problem at work for example and them pretending to understand or them showing you respect by asking what you mean. And don’t wait to be asked if you understand ask questions, investigate, the more you do this the more you know, the more you know the more you understand.

Experience more and improve your empathy: We all know that to understand other people we need to use empathy. And I mean true empathy here not the aw poor you,  true empathy is where we truly attempt to shift our perspective into seeing from someone else’s perspective However if you don’t try new things you have a limited base to start out from. Imagining emotions or perspectives someone else would feel or have from situations you have never experienced is hard. The more you experience the wider your empathy database will be. So get out in the world and experience as much as you can! 

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“People are strange” sang Jim Morrison (The Doors and if you don’t know this song where have you been, go directly to youtube. Now. I can wait….) and that means all of us. We are a weird and wonderful bunch that make up this species of humankind. The golden rules of understanding each other are like all the best things simple;

Respond, don’t react, be honest with everyone including yourself and be interested in each other.

If you can master these and use the guidelines above you are always going to be on the right path to connecting and understanding anyone from any planet albeit the person you sleep beside, the stranger on a bus or even the weird teacher whose crazy assignment that makes no sense!

Have fun seeing how many people you can better understand this week and see if you don’t understand yourself more by the weekend too !
Happy Monday ❤

 

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#lifelessons101- 4 things to help you back on the personal development horse (3 min read)

When you start out on a new personal development regime everything goes buzzing along in a cloud of motivation and positivity, that is until you fall off the horse. Motivation levels go down and it often seems easier to give up and fall back into the old familiar habits we know and feel comfortable in. The irony is that when we are at this point it is one of the most important stages of our personal development journey. If of course we can just keep a view on the bigger picture, block out our negative inner dialogue and keep going the breakthrough comes and it’s worth it. Hurrah!

I know. It’s not that easy right.

In fact not easy at all.  And I know this all too well. This week in particular for me has been a tough one. After a short pear shaped period in my life I have been attempting to get back into my personal development routines again and pick up the good habits I had before. Should have been straightforward. I did it before I can do it again! Right ? Well yes and then no.

The challenge has been it’s just not that easy to get the same focus and drive I had before.  

Those of you that also follow the path of development know this too well. Falling off the personal development horse happens to us all. Getting on the horse again is not easy and staying on it after a fall can at first seem impossible. Added to which if you have an internal dialogue like mine (who loves to put me down) it can be fodder to add to your I can’t stick at anything, I am useless, worms, worms, worms personal narrative.  

It’s a vicious cycle and can if allowed hold you down forever, if you want it too. I don’t want it too. So I turned to my second favourite library of reference, me (the first is always a combination of Google and Mr T); and sifted through my files of life experience to figure out how to boost my motivation and let me get to the place of my next break through.

Guess what I found??  It is so much  easier than I thought  to get back on the personal development horse and ride into the future without superhuman strength. It was just a question of changing my mental approach to the process and applying these for A star guidelines. 

The 4 A star guidelines to getting back on the personal development horse:

Acceptance:

Sounds like a cliche right? However it’s not. If you don’t accept things as they are you cannot move forward because you are coming from a place of untruth. In accepting you also forgive.

You have to accept three things:

1: You fell off the horse (probably for a good reason if you analyse  it and look for the teachings) people do. But you are not going to be able to move forward if you don’t forgive yourself for that.

2: You are not unflawed. Every human is a perfect imperfection including you. If you look at two of my personal heros personal development heros Lousie Hay and Hal Elrod both of their stories tell very honestly about a human experience of growth. Both of them are perfect imperfections who are constantly working on improving their imperfections in the best way they can. None of us can do any more than our best. Have a look at your heros and role models I bet you will see that they too are just as frail and as human as you. If personal development gurus can be flawed so can you so stop beating yourself up for it.

3: It is gonna be tougher second time round because you will unconsciously compare your results to the first time you tried a routine change. This comparison is just your minds way of fighting the  changes you are trying to make because it likes to be in its comfort zone, it’s probably why you fell off in the first place.

Attention:

“Constant vigilance!” as  Professor Moody used to say (from HArry Potter. Yes I am a potter fan and a personal development junkie!). What do I mean by that. I mean pay attention to what is going on with you. If you get excuses popping up then notice them and try and work out why your mind is fighting against you. For example if you keep pushing your affirmation ritual away because you are too tired or too busy, or hit the snooze button instead of jumping out of bed to do you Miracle Morning routine then sit down with pen and paper to ask yourself why?  Why aren’t you doing it? Then find a way to work through your block instead of succumbing to it. Google is a wonderful tool here, ask and you will find inspiration if you can’t figure out how to work with your block alone. (99% of the time it is as said above your internal unconscious self rebelling because you are outside its comfort zone. In time you will feel better with the changes, you just need to keep going until your new habits become comfortable.) 

Acknowledgement:

As I always say one of the most important things you can do to motivate yourself is to acknowledge your achievements. I cannot stress how important this is. We often when ‘working’ with ourselves forget to notice and be proud of our progress and efforts. Of course the reward of personal development are the bonuses of our positive personal growth. But if you don’t take the time out to notice and acknowledge the journey you are taking and  your accomplishments, then you can get demotivated again. Make an achievement list where you list what you proud of yourself for having achieved once a week. Or if you prefer a gratitude list that focuses  on gratitude to yourself for what you have been doing to make life better for you.

Allies:

Allies is just another word for friends or people, or even strangers in the form of authors or online communities, who you can call on for help in your commitment to getting back on the personal development horse. It can be hard as hell to make life changes alone so call in your team. Right now I am finding myself surrounded by people who like to make excuses for themselves rather than take responsibility (unfortunately moving into a completely new area can have this effect). At first I found this draining and allowed it to affect me but once I realized it I have now started to call into my life people who also are dedicated to growing positively in both my friendship circle and through reading and watching personal development videos that inspire me.  It helps me keep focused and reminds me I am not alone. Writing this blog and having you guys read it helps amazingly too because when you read and like my articles I know that we are all out there working on ourselves to become better people in our way and that is immensely inspiring. For which I am truly grateful to you all lovely readers. So reach out to the universe and create the allies you need to keep you on that horse and keep going. We can achieve far more together than we ever can alone.

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Remember wherever you are in your personal development process that the times that seem the hardest are always before the enlightening positive breakthroughs. So keep on going. So what if you fell off the horse, you got back on it and you are moving forward. And by accepting that, paying attention to yourself, acknowledging your progress and calling in your allies you will keep on riding that horse  onwards growing more and more grounded, beautiful, abundant and successful every single day.

I believe in you  all ❤dream-it-do-it

What to do when life goes pear shaped -an 8 step guide from my life (4 min read)

Hello people it’s good to be back!

Some of you who follow the Re:Root blog may have noticed that things have been pretty quiet for a few weeks around here, almost as if I went AWOL. And why? Well the best laid plans can go wrong.  Sometimes life just kicks in and everything goes pear shaped.  (For those of you either not from the UK or from my particular generation that means that the plan went wrong.)

And oh boy it went wrong… or did it? The answer to that is both yes and no.

On the one hand I did not plan for problems with my medication, college, telephone, money and deadlines to hit me all at once subsequently affecting my sleep so that I was functioning on totally drained resources and starting to spiral into a depressive place. However on the other hand the teachings I received during this time, the strength I had to manifest to stop myself sliding down a slippery slope of depression and the cathartic process of allowing my emotions to release has meant that I have come out on the other side a little stronger, a lot wiser and incredibly grateful for the abundance and experience of my life.

In a previous post 5 STEPS TO SURVIVING THE HARDEST OF DAYS… I talked about how to survive when you have a  crappy day. Some of the guidance here is applicable when life goes pear shaped. But usually when life goes pear shaped it is more than just a crappy day or a couple of days.  It’s something unexpected happening which interrupts the flow of your life in a negative way. It can be a week or two and if not taken control of its longer and longer, a pear shaped situation can be seemingly endless. And that my friends is dangerous for you. 

When life goes pear shaped we can choose to allow the situation to drown us or to take it head on and get your life back on track in a richer, wiser way.  

Getting your life back on track when it goes pear shaped is possible. How? With a little connecting, taking control and reconnecting it is possible to deal with the pear shaped moments in life healthily and constructively.

When and if the excrement hits the fan in your life try these 8 steps to bring it back online again.

Be in the moment consciously

When life goes pear shaped the first thing it triggers is our flight or fight response followed by an emotional reaction. A lot of life guidance out there veers us away from feeling and towards taking charge of the situation and yes while that is important it is equally important to allow our bodies natural mechanisms to function. Basically I mean at the start of whatever is happening let your feelings do the running for a few days (preferably no more than three). Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, it’s healthy. Be sad, be angry. I don’t mean let the feeling take over you but just be mindful that you need to feel what you are feeling, Notice each feeling consciously and work it through. Journal, talk, draw, sleep, workout do what you need to do to get to the stage where that feeling is not the be all and everything.

Realise life’s not gone wrong, it’s gone pear shaped.

The words we use shape our view of our reality internally and externally. If you ask yourself why is this is going wrong you are using very negative language. Something that is ‘wrong’ is perceived as hard to fix if not irreparable.  By using the word wrong you are putting yourself in a victim role, a passive role, this has happened to you. In order to bring life on track you need to step into an active role and to that you need to consciously change your language use to change your thinking and change your situation.

Try and think of it this way: In the Urban Dictionary the expression  “pear shaped” is   

“based on the visualisation of a plan being like a perfect circle. When something goes wrong, the plan is distorted and becomes pear-shaped.”

So life has not gone wrong it has just been distorted. This mental shift may not feel like much however it is an ENORMOUS energetic shift in your thinking when you need it the most. A distortion can be adjusted or reversed.

So when you get to the stage where that feeling is not the be all and everything, turn your thinking around by recognizing that life has just gone pear shaped, it is currently distorted. And if it’s only distorted you can change it. But how…

Look for the teaching

Why did this happen to me? (Who has never thought that in their life.) This is exactly the question you need to ask yourself next. (And I don’t mean in the “why did this happen to me it’s not fair!” sense). You need to look for the teaching.

Life is constantly throwing us clues…and we ignore them, or can’t hear them or notice them but don’t do anything about them. When life goes pear shaped it can often be because a particular message has been trying to get through to us for some time and it has had to take it to Defcon 5 to get us to notice. (For example I really do believe that one of the reasons type 1 diabetes manifested in my life was to teach me to take care of myself something I was appalling at).  No matter what the situation in life there is always a teaching. And it is these teachings that help us to grow.

Integration of the teaching

What are you going to do about the teaching or the message life is sending at you? For me I recently unearthed a lot of repressed Daddy issues I thought in place and dealt with that unconsciously still affect my self confidence, even more so now Mr T and I live together .  I could ignore this information but that would result in another even bigger distortion in the future. So I jumped onto to google university and am currently doing 5 mins self love affirmations daily while I slowly work through this old wound.

So once you have found the teaching find your self a way to incorporate this into your life. It  may be a small thing or a big thing you need to do, the important thing is DO SOMETHING with your teaching and DO IT NOW!

Motivation

If you have been following the steps you have your understanding and a plan of how to incorporate this into your life. Sometimes this is motivation enough to reform your pear shaped life into a perfect circle again. Sometimes it’s harder.

If like me you have to fight old habits like falling into the depression cycle then it’s incredibly hard to “pull yourself together and take charge of your life”. However no one will do it for you. Only you can run your life. Accepting this will help with the motivation. Make sure your success criteria can be easily fulfilled. In a nutshell don’t set yourself up for a fail by aiming to high and pushing to hard to start with.  Basically take it slowly and succeed with baby steps. Success is the best motivator in the world so give yourself lots of easy things you can accomplish and slowly work through them (see below).

Be kind

Be kind to yourself and don’t overestimate your success  criteria. What I mean by this is you need to start small. To get your  life back on track you need success experiences.  However you have also been through a process so start with the little things. Washing up is a great mini success experience, as is cleaning. It also has the added bonus that as you clean up your outside world you also clean up your inside world. Once you are managing the small goals work up until you feel like you are back on track then just keep on going! Remember also to not get into the guilt cycle if you don’t make a goal for a few days or even a week. It will happen when you decide you have the right energy to make it happen.

Being Proud

It not easy to get back on that horse after that fall. However you are trying and you need to be proud of yourself for that. And I mean actively proud. You need to be your own cheerleading squad and celebrate your victories no matter how small. The small battles are often the ones that need the most celebrating. You got out of bed Yey! You opted for a healthy breakfast at the table instead of cereal from the packet under the duvet Yes! You went back to work today! It’s time for a celebratory dinner. I know it might feel false at first however there isn’t always someone to clap you on the shoulder to say well done so we have to do that ourselves. A great habit to get into at the end of the day is to write an achievement list. Basically a list of all the things you are proud of yourself for today. And make sure that you start each sentence with I am proud of myself because…………….. AND you include the little things you otherwise tend to disregard.

Call in Support if it gets too tough

No matter what we do need other people. Even Superman and Batman needed their support in the form of Alfred and Louis. So even though this article primarily focuses on what you can do for yourself, you can also ask for help. Whether it’s off loading on a friend or creating an accountability person or finding a therapist, call in the support you need. The important thing here is to make sure that this is the support you NEED. It might be great to cry on a friend initially but after a week is this the best help you need? Is this going to help you consciously turn things around?  Identify the help you need and ask for it.

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By consciously connecting with ourselves and feeling, taking control our negative thoughts and reconnecting with our lives in an altered state of understanding and motivation we can reform the distorted circle and get our lives on track again when things go pear shaped.

 

I look forward to hearing about your success stories down in the comments below. Right now I off to give myself a little self love in the form of yoga followed by a glass of water and then probably a glass of  red wine to end the day. 

Have a lovely week ❤

#enjoythejourney

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Making New Year’s resolutions that are easy to keep! – Time to get started! (2 min read)

This is the last part of a series of guides to help you make New Year’s resolutions that you can keep throughout the whole year. Don’t worry if you haven’t been following up until now. New Year’s resolutions can be made throughout the new year. Personally I prefer to do it as the land turns from Winter to Spring so that my journey follows nature’s cycle around me. However if you want to follow this guide you need to go and have a look at the part one (identifying your goals), part two (setting your goals) and part three (Making your plan) of this system otherwise it simply won’t make sense.

If you have been following the system you should by now have got your vision clear and made a plan for each goal. After all this fantastic work you are now absolutely clear on what you are going to do and how you are going to do it. So what’s left? Actually not much. However there is one last thing that is vitally important. Preparation. Any good plan is carried out best when you prepare.

Don’t worry you don’t have to prepare for every goal at once. It would be too unrealistic and set you up for a fail. Take a look at your plans. One of these goals is going to be something that you really need to do right away. It might be the one you are really inspired to do. Choose that. Look over your plan and decide how to prepare.

One of my goals is to improve my lifestyle and focus on my holistic health. In a nutshell I want to do more yoga and eat healthy. And as we all know this is not as simple as it sounds- So I have been making preparations. This weekend I researched some yummy looking healthy snacks (snacking is my thing ever since I quit smoking) and I’ve been finding out how much time I have to exercise. So slowly I am starting to make preparations.

The important thing here is to go slowly and remember baby steps. This week I am going to start exercising 5 mins a day and have salad every day., oh and this weekend I have eaten all the junk food in the house . Maybe counterproductive but it means temptation is gone.  It may seem strange to start with such a little commitment in the beginning however with doing 5 mins a day it gets me into a habit that will grow each week until I have reached my daily exercising to my goal target. Little by little my life is going to improve and change.

This last month the thought processes you have been through have laid the foundations , the roots of a path of growth you start this year towards your dreams your life changes. Because of this groundwork you and your life will continue to evolve into the life you have imagined for yourself.

So identify the preparations you need to make and get going!

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