#lifelessons101 – Why people are draining you and how to stop it happening (3 min read)

 

It’s friday night, there is glorious sunshine out of my window, the wind is blowing and the garden is calling yet tonight I am simply too shattered to go out and play. I am tired. Not just physically but mentally. I am people tired.

As a life coach, and also in my private life, I work with people everyday and I love that. I love helping and giving help to self help, I love to help people grow and I love learning from the people I help and getting the opportunity to grow myself.  However sometimes I get exhausted by it. Sometimes I just get tired of people and I also get people tired. I know those sound similar they are not, bear with me I will explain. Getting tired of people is where you simply get fed of human interaction games until it exhausts. Getting people tired is where you feel drained by other people through helping too much.

The challenge is that getting tired of people and people tired is not something we usually talk about it polite society. Certainly not in inclusive Scandinavia where doing everything together is the way life is. YET we all have times where we feel like this. AND the teaching of being tired of people or of being people tired is actually a really important message for us if we choose to listen instead of being into the drama that people are just blooming annoying /stupid/insert adjective of choice, and why won’t they sort blah blah out, and why do they leave it to you and blah, blah, blah.

We just need to look for the teachings. And when you do you will find that the teachings of being tired of people and people tired are different ,yet also both have an initial underlying message. The underlying message is simple. It is that something is not right for you in the relationships you have and the interactions you having with other people. Both of these feelings are your spirits way of say “HELLO. Something ain’t in balance. Take notice!”

And the way to take notice (or the what to do about it) is defined by the individual teachings of being tired of people and people tired. I have noticed a few and these are below with a few suggestions for healing solutions. Maybe you have noticed other teachings if you have please share them in the comments below then we can all support each others learning journey.

Being tired of people:

Everyone you met is annoying and usually in the same way. I have found this can mean two thingsTEACHING: You are surrounding yourself with the wrong type of people. Your body, well more accurately your soul, is crying out to say I need to grow in a different way, these people don’t support that growth, find me people that support the growth I need.

HEALING SOLUTION: Soul search, identify what you need and call in the right people. You don’t need to cut other people off, just set the intention the the right people will turn up and distance yourself discreetly from the people that are reflecting attitudes or growth that you don’t need. If you can figure out what exactly it is that is bugging you about the people in your life it will give you a pretty clear idea of the change and growth you need .

TEACHING: The people in our lives mirror us. Which means the people bugging you are reflecting something about you, a habit that you have that you dislike and need to face in order to feel complete.

HEALING SOLUTION: Find out what it is and work with it. You can if you want to get to know the person that is bugging you, this does often give you deeper understanding of why they are the way they are and why you are the way you are. If you really dare (and I do know this is tough I have dared and also chosen not to) tell them you that they are bugging you because of X, Y and Z and that you realise this is something about your personality you dislike and that you wish to work with and begin a healing dialogue with them.

Being people tired.

People tired can be defined as never having time for yourself and yet help everyone else. I do this ALOT.

TEACHING: You are giving more than you can give you need to save energy for you and your life too.

HEALING SOLUTION:  Check in with yourself and set boundaries. Count to ten before saying yes or offering help make sure you have the resources for everything you need to do before trying to fix someone else’s life. After all if you are broken it won’t help them will it. If you feel bad you can always suggest a solution that doesn’t involve you and you find that you have helped.

TEACHING: You are putting off dealing with something in your own life by fixing someone else. after we all know how easy it is to fix everyone else’s lives rather than our own.

HEALING SOLUTION: Stop. Check in with you. What is it you have been putting off by helping everyone else? Do it. Eat that frog (not a real one, a metaphorical one …honestly! She says shaking her head.) Do thing thing you don’t want to do for you and once it is over you will feel better, Than you can help all and sundry,

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The moral of this tale is if you are feeling people tired or tired of people check in with you. In whatever extreme emotion situation you find yourself in life there will always always be a teaching you just need to look for it. And if you check in with you and fix your stuff you will be in a much better place to serve and enjoy the wonderful people in your life.

Have a restful and happy weekend ❤

 

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How to create your positive life? Take action and create your hour of power! :Part one The Miracle morning (3 min read)

Thinking positively creates a positive  life. Taking positive action creates a positive life. Imagine what you can do when you combine the two!

Simply said Positive actions + Positive thoughts   =  A Positive life  

I know put like that it sounds easy and yet I can already hear your resistance from here. Changing our thought patterns takes effort however it is easy to slot into our lives. It takes conscious thought however we can work positive thought into our schedule without too much hassle. (And for advice on this check out how to create new beliefs or how to communicate positively or even take the laughter challenge!) However taking positive action means making changes to our everyday and boy do we all like to resist that stretching of our comfort zone. The challenge is that without the positive action our thoughts remain inside us. As effective as the power of positive thought is , we need to do things in the physical as well as the mental arenas of our lives to really make lasting, effective and magnificent change.

It’s basically our choice. We can take action to create the lives we want. AND it doesn’t need to be as difficult as we imagine to do that.  Actually it’s really easy once we make the choice to act. And the bonus is that once we start it’s easier to do more and more that is good for us and sooner or later you find that you are actually living the life you dreamed of.

Yes! I can hear you now raring to go and wanting the easy guide. Well in my experience it’s all to do with your hour of power.  Now in actual fact your hour doesn’t need to be an hour 30 – 60 mins of your day dedicated to positive actions can initiate the transition from you life now to the life you want. The idea is as I said, simple. You create everyday 30 – 60 mins that is for you. You time. Now I don’t mean the sitting on the sofa when the kids are in bed drinking wine kind of you time. I mean the energising, life boosting opportunity for personal growth kind of you time.

Imagine 30 mins – 60 mins of a day where you can just concentrate on you. Your dreams. Your life. Yourself. It’s an amazingly powerful thought and an amazingly powerful reality.

There is one catch. Although not a big one. In order to give yourself this experience you will have to change your habits. Preferably your morning habits. The first hour of your day is actually the most important. It is where you set up the mood, motivation and outlook for your entire day. Imagine for a moment that instead of bashing the alarm clock and roll over, you growl at the alarm slightly, stretch out, turn off the alarm, make a cup of whatever you fancy in the morning, wash your face, brush your teeth and then slightly less sleepily wander into whatever space that is yours and private for 30 to 60 mins and at the end of that time you are buzzing with energy, understanding and motivation. Raring to go for the day. And most of all happy. Now how is that for an idea?

This actually how I start my day. And it’s amazing. I love it. No matter how tired I am when I start  my hour of power I am addicted and hate not to do it. Why?  Because I feel so great after it! It sets me up for the day. It is my me time, my inspiration. And no I am not a natural morning person. Heck no! I was always a night owl.  Until the day I put working with the law of attraction on my vision board. That week I got introduced to my favourite of personal development tools The (life changing) Miracle Morning created by Hal Elrod.  In a nutshell the Miracle Morning concept is simple. Each day you wake up and spend the first 30 – 60 minutes doing activities to stimulate you personal growth, motivate you for the day and in essence gradually transform your life. Hal Elrod has combined 6 of the most powerful and successful morning activities carried out by the world’s most successful people into an easily accessible and flexible system. So every morning I do 5 to 10 minutes of my six “S.A.V.E.R.S” activities. These are silence (meditation), affirmations, visualisation, exercise, reading and scribing (journalling). (Actually my miracle morning is in the order E.R.S.S.V.A it just doesn’t look as good when written down!)

When I started The Miracle Morning I did five minutes of each and the results I got were amazing. Then my life changed a little and I found that I was unable to do it everyday. And you know what I missed the buzz that my Miracle Morning gave me. I missed it so much that I chose to get up an hour earlier every possible day to just to make my miracle morning time. I get up at 5 am Monday to Friday. I mean I used to go to bed at that time now I am up and doing yoga! Well except on weekends. On weekends I wake up and then I do it no matter the time. My house knows to leave me to it and gives me the space. I think mostly because they prefer the miracle morning me to the pre-me, who bit off anyone’s head if they irritated me before one coffee and two cigarettes. (I now have neither in the mornings.) The transformation is astounding. I have shocked myself. (And my Mum who can not get over the fact her daughter now gets up so early!) And it is infectious and additive. Even Mr T gets up and does his hour of power every day (although his involves all exercise- each to their own). The more I start my day in this positive way, the more motivated I am to keep my day going in the same direction And bit by bit my life is transforming.  Now If course The Miracle Morning isn’t the only reason my life is getting better, I am taking positive action wherever I can and whenever I am inspired. However my miracle morning really is my hour of power enabling me to do and achieve things I never thought I would.

It works for me. And thousands of others. I won’t explain it here because there are so mnay places online you can find out about it. Check it out http://www.miraclemorning.com/   or Hal Elrod on YouTube, or alternatively you can buy the book which I truly recommend. However if you don’t decided to try the Miracle Morning system do choose an hour of power for you everyday. I have a friend whose hour of power is on the train journey to work. Another who fits it in flexibly every day at different times depending on her schedule.  The point is simply that if you choose to create time in the day for you, where you dedicate time to your own personal growth and focusing on your dreams, you will be taking the healthiest positive action you can take. By making that commitment to yourself you are committing to creating your dreams and taking control of your life. You become a person consciously and mindfully living. And someone who is actively doing good this  cannot help but create a positive life for themselves. Why? Because when you consciously aim for positive action, your natural state becomes positive. And a person whose natural state is positive is living a positive life.

The math tells the truth 🙂

Positive action + positive thought = positive life

So choose you today. Choose your hour of power. Choose to take action to create a positive, energising and productive happy life. You have everything you need within the power of your own choice…

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#lifelessons101  – Make a lovely start to your weekend by randomly making someone else feel appreciated (2 min read)

In the last two weeks I have had 2 completely out of the blue, completely unexpected messages over social media that have made me feel appreciated and wonderful. Two people who don’t know each other wrote to me independently to say how I made their day better by my positivity and that the impact in their lives of knowing me inspired them. WOW! I mean wow! They had no other reason to tell me just they thought I should know. It meant so much to me. Especially as these people are people who I like very much but, as yet are not in my close inner circle or daily life. It took my breath away, it made me feel so lovely.

In fact it made me feel so great that I thought wouldn’t it be fantastic if everyone could feel this way. We all like to feel good. And we know for a fact that by being appreciated we feel great and by  doing something nice for other people we feel awesome. So why not combine the two?

This weekend let’s make a positive bubble around the world together. It will take you only five minutes. Simply to find someone you know (but not too closely) who inspires you, makes your day better or who you simply admire as a person (not attracted to but admire). When you have chosen write this person a short message over Facebook (or your social media platform of choice). Make it honest and simple. Tell them why you think they are so great, inspiring, lovely and tell them you just thought they ought to know. Don’t ask for anything of them. Just tell them how great they are. The chances are that this person has not a clue of the impact they make in your life and probably needed to hear it. I know I did. And a little compliment can go a long way after a busy working week. Then please share this article on Facebook/twitter/your blog and pass the idea on to your friends and family.

After that go and have a wonderful weekend knowing you have made someone else feel happy.  Sometimes it’s simply nice to be nice

Have a lovely weekend ❤

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6 Easy steps to create new beliefs so you can make the positive happy life you want. (4 min read)

We all want to live a positive and happy life. There are a million and one articles out there telling us how to do this. Eating that food, doing this type of exercise, saying these affirmations. The options for self improvement are as wide and varied as the human race itself. However with all of these proven possibilities out there often people drop their new “way” because it’s not working or creating the results they want to see.

Do you know it? Have you done it? Well I know I have. And boy do I also know the spiral  of guilt that follows afterwards. Luckily for me those days are slowly becoming more and more a part of my distant past. How? Well I found myself the perfect alley to get the the positive and happy life I want. I discovered my brain. You may be thinking what the heck but pause for a moment. Our brains are in control of everything. And you know yourself if in life you want to make significant change it’s best to work with those at the top. And I’ll let you into a fantastic secret about your brain which makes creating the positive happy life you want really easy.

Our brains are stupid.

(Well not at everything of course brains do a fantastic job of keeping us alive and running the complicated system that is the human being. Credit where credit is due).  

However when it comes to creating new beliefs and habits our brains are actually really stupid. It’s to do with our animalistic DNA and how we create memory and belief.  Basically your memories and beliefs are created by the number of repetitions of an event, or stimulus. For example, being told you are great at cooking. If you get told something once it becomes a “short term memory”, however if you get told it 5 or more times it becomes a “long term memory” (Kandel Brain and Mind, 5) or in other words, a new belief. In our example you may feel that you are a better cook than Nigella Lawson. The more you get told something (or stimulated) in the the same way you release “Serotonin” into your body. Serotonin makes you feel happier , well balanced and reduces stress and depression, as well as doing many wonderful things for your body’s well being. In the cooking example  this means every time you step into the kitchen you feel like a cooking guru and are happy and relaxed before you begin.

Repetition creates your brains beliefs. Any repetition. Yes that means unfortunately the same is true with our negative stimuli, such as I can’t cook/run/loose weight. Our brain is all to willing to believe whatever we want to tell it. It is willing to help us believe and when we believe in something it is ten times easier for us to create. So it’s up to us to take charge of what we tell our brains.

Words really do have  so much power when it comes to our brain. The world of marketing uses word and repetitions tricks to make you want to buy things you don’t want or need. (And you know it works because otherwise you wouldn’t have that bizarre health food stuff going out of date in the back of your kitchen cupboard that you bought after seeing it on tv, in the newspaper or on Facebook and still 6 months later you have no idea how to use it or even pronounce its name!) So if the marketeers can do it, so can you! You can use your words to convince your brain of anything. Once your brain is on board you will feel a shift in your energy and no matter what your new routine you are starting, habit you want to cultivate or negative thought pattern you want to turn around, you will succeed.

As Jesse Jackson (A civil rights leader who worked with Martin Luther King ) said

“If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.”

So here are 6 easy steps for you to get your brain on board and create new beliefs so you can make Jesse Jackson’s words a reality for you and create the positive happy life you want. 

Commit

The first step is the most important. Commit. To whatever it is. Commit to making this positive change  and new belief in your life. Make sure it is something you feel passionate about. If you don’t burn for this change it ain’t gonna happen. Decide exactly what thought you need to believe to make your desired change.

Create an affirmation

The best and simplest way of creating a new belief is by using affirmations. Sentences you repeat to yourself. There are many great affirmations out there you can use (and I do). However I think the best affirmations are the ones we make for ourselves. They are the most authentic. My favourite self created affirmation is still “I am the most powerful me”. Be creative and think big. If you are changing your thoughts make sure you are going for gold. At the same time keep it so that you can believe it.

Begin your affirmations with ‘I am’, “I know…” “I have…” “I love…” and keep them simple. You are going to have to say these a lot so make sure the sentences easy to remember. Remember it is ok if your statements sound a bit false to you at the beginning, affirmations are 100 % faking it until you until make it. Suspend reality in this creative process and go for what you want. You are the most powerful you.

Say it loud and proud

Affirmations work best when said out loud ,basically because they stimulate your senses. So say your affirmations out loud. If you find it challenging you can build up to it. Start by writing them out daily. Then write them out and read them out loud quietly and over time increase the volume until you are at your normal speaking voice. At last just say your affirmations out loud.

Repeat, repeat, repeat

You can hold about 7 statements in your head for about 30 seconds. If you don’t repeat them, the belief in those statements goes away. If you do repeat them, they go into your  “working memory,” for anywhere between 90 to 120 minutes.  If you don’t repeat them then, the information will be lost and won’t necessarily come back. However if you do repeat them then the statements will enter your long-term memory. So do your affirmations throughout the day not just in the mornings or evenings. Go outside for five minutes in your lunch break and say your affirmations. (If you put your phone headphones on and walk people think you are talking on the phone, so don’t worry about what everyone else thinks of you, they are far too  busy with their own lives!) Aim to do your affirmations in the same time slots throughout the day to get the best repetition effects.

Some people say that it takes 14 days,  to learn a new habit, some say 21. Personally I am in the Hal Elrod school of 30 days (See in the book The Miracle Morning). It gives 3 stages of habit forming and the last 10 are the most rewarding. Keep repeating your affirmations minimum of 3 times a day for 30 days. You brain will be supporting you too the absolute max and you will be in the perfect place of belief to create the positive happy life you want really easily.

Remind yourself of your new belief

Use triggers to help you remember your affirmations. I use an idea of Louise Hay’s. Around my home are many small red hearts in places where I see them frequently. By my desk is the same red heart with the affirmation “Life loves me and I am blessed”. Whenever I see a heart I say the affirmation and I know in my heart how lucky I am for my lovely life.

Routines combined with affirmations such as playing certain music or brushing your hair whilst saying your affirmations will form associations which you can use as reminders to keep reinforcing your new beliefs and keep your brain on your side. You can even allow a negative thought to be your trigger. For example every time you see someone with a healthy body and your brain says “I can’t look like that” turn the thought into “ I am working towards having a super healthy body that I love”.  Think of reminders that will work for you into your affirmation routine from day 1 for the best results.

Stay in charge

If you feel when saying your affirmations resistance to believing what you are saying notice it. It could be a teaching. A piece of information that helps you understand your resistance to your life change that you can work with. However if it is just an old negative belief wanting to be heard, let it go. You are the boss of what you think so stay in charge.
Have fun creating your new beliefs this week. You and your brain have everything thing you need to create the positive happy life you want, all you need to do is believe it ❤

 

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#lifelessons101 – Inviting  financial abundance into your house and home (4 min read)

 

We want to be more abundant, it is after all humanity’s Utopian natural state.   Health, wealth and happiness  (not necessarily in that order) is something we all desire.  And if you look at the world’s resources, there is more than enough for everyone so realistically we can all live abundant lives.  Yet in spite of that there is an imbalance in world of 21st century abundance. Some people have abundant lives and others don’t. Especially when it comes to money.

Personally I have had a terrible relationship with money (maybe you can relate). For almost all of my life I have craved abundant finances to go with my abundant life. For years I have been putting my positive vibrations out into the world and focusing on manifesting the abundant finances. And what has happened…………..the exact opposite. It’s not even like I haven’t been working for my abundance. I am dedicated hardworking, yet for a long, long  time nothing has seemed to have shifted. Money always seemed to come along and trip me up.  Sometimes it has felt like money had it in for me. And yet of course it wasn’t. My bad relationship with money was created by me. Not by being dumb with my finances (weeee’llll may be a tiny bit) but mostly by my conscious and unconscious negative associations and attitudes towards money and wealth.

So I have decided here and now in 2017 that my bad relationship with money is in the past and from now on money and I are going to have a glorious future together.  It is time to make friends with money. This is the year where I am going to shift into my natural state of abundance. And I want to take you all along for the journey with me.

This is obviously not a journey that will be overnight (or in one #lifelesson101). We all know how long it takes to get over a bad relationship and make friends with an ex. This is one love affair that is going to take some effort to create. However in this first month I have made some real progress and already I can see a shift, if not physically but energetically in my state of financial abundance. I have spent this month inviting abundance into my house and home and baby step, by baby step, the universe is beginning to respond.  Here’s how I have been doing it….

Writing to money as if it was a person:

On the advice of my mentor I wrote money a letter as though it was a person . I let all of my feelings and frustrations about money gush out and wow was I shocked by the strength, passion and in fact unadulterated hatred that spilled out onto the page.

However it was a really positive experience as for the first time in my life I could really see where my problems with money started and identify what I needed to do. When you know what the problem is you are ten times closer to the solution so I highly recommend do this groundwork.

Forgiveness

If we have had a bad time in any relationship we need to forgive the other person and ourselves if you are to have a positive future together. Well I had (and have) a lot of forgiving to do to rebuild my relationship with money. At the moment I am working with one of my favourite methods of forgiveness the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono. I could write a whole article about this but as Johnathan Davis has already written  a brilliant article I highly recommend you read that after this. (Click here)

Thanking

The practice of gratitude improves every aspect of life, no matter what it is.  I had honestly never thought of thanking money for what it gives me. I started by writing a gratitude list. “I am thankful to money for giving me food, my diabetic medicine, the opportunity to study” so on and so forth. It was exhilarating! It was amazing how much money does for me that I had never really thought about. Try it. Think about everything money gives you, the list is endless.

Continuing  on this practise of being grateful to money for its gifts when I now have a bill to pay I thank the universe for it’s abundance that I have the money to pay it rather than stressing about having another bill. It makes paying bills so much more enjoyable than before!

Invitation into my life and my home.

When we meet someone we want to have a relationship with we at some point invite them into our homes. We make them feel important and welcome and naturally they respond to the invitations we send to them. Now I am starting to feel more comfortable with money I have opened up my house to money and abundance by creating an abundance altar. I highly recommend it. The idea initially was to attract money however as I started to think about what abundance means to me I found that not only did I want to have representations of my finances I also wanted things that represented what makes me feel abundant Now my altar has my business cards, pictures of my family, silver, abundance affirmations, candles I made at one of the goal setting workshops I ran and a bowl containing slips of paper with everything,  everyplace and everyone  written on that makes me feel rich and abundant. Starting next week I intend to take out one of these pieces of paper everyday and that the universe for the abundance it has given me on whatever I have written on that piece of paper.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

A new perspective

As this month has gone on I am noticing more and more that instead of seeing money as this limiting and bossy thing in my life I have begun to view money simply as energy.  Wonderful giving energy. And this my friends is where the shift has really started to happen.

By seeing money as something that gives and viewing it as fluid moving abundance I have freed up a massive part of my consciousness. I am slowly emptying myself of my old negative limiting beliefs about money. as my enemy, which means I now have space in myself to see money as positive energetic expression of the abundance of the universe.

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This process has shown me how abundant and rich my life is. It has motivated me to give more, to think less of myself and think more of how I can help others feel happier, the way I do right now.  One month ago I was coming from a place where I  blamed lack of money as the source of discontent in my life. And now? Now I feel abundant all the time. When the smaller abundances come along I notice and practice gratitude. And the more I do this, the more abindance I attract. I have in fact in this week managed to manifest a pair of scales in 5 mins for only 3 pounds. Desire, thought manifestation. It was honestly that easy. (And an affordable scales in 5 minutes is not an easy manifestation.)

Has my monetary wealth increased in this month. Not yet, well actually a little. However the doubt that I will attract more money to my life is dissapearing. And we already know that when you free space in your mind by removing negative thoughts, patterns and behaviours you leave space for ………………………… well let’s see what enters in the next month. I have a few more strategies I am planning on trying out so check in next month to see how my abundance journey is going

Dedicate an hour and a space in your home to exploring your relationship with money and make an abundance altar. I promise you that you will feel a shift in your outlook . (And please please do post pics below of your abundance altars so we can inspire each other!)

Have a great weekend and remember enjoy the journey!

 

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Spring to life! Inspiration from nature for your own personal Spring growth in 5 steps.

Spring is here! No it is. Really. I know you may not feel it right now looking out of your window at the grey colour of the sky, but it is really here. Look a little longer and deeper at the outside world. And listen. Outside in nature everything has come alive once more. The deep green shoots are pushing through the earth, snow drops, daffodils, crocuses. Colour is returning around us. Birds are flying around us and the air filled with their songs.

You might be thinking “ Yay, woohoo. Spring is here. What the heck does that have to do with with my personal growth and reaching my goals?” Well I’m glad you asked because Spring can actually boost our personal growth, if we choose  to let it.

Let me explain. Right now we are actually at a special point in the solar calendar (Or to use its proper name the Astronomical calendar. For a more in depth explanation click here). It is the time of Spring Equinox. What this basically means is that we here have a short period where day and night are at equal length. It is a point of transition, it could be said between the darker half of the year, Autumn and Winter; and the year’s lighter half, Spring and Summer. After this point in the year this is when nature goes completely ballistic with activity (pretty much until its exact opposite time in the calendar Autumn Equinox). From the flurry of activity preparing the beds in the garden and planting seeds now the first frosts have gone, to the buds that are starting to sprout leaves on the trees and the explosion of birth in the animal kingdom, spring is like nature’s equivalent of our pre christmas  shopping. The game is on! Now we are part of this natural cycle, no matter how far removed our lives seem from it today. Something in our deepest dna gets reawoken during the spring. Instinctively we feel that this is a time of transformation and of new birth.

We used to be really in touch with this  shift in nature’s cycle before we became an industrial society. Today however around Equinox people just tend to feel a little wobbly beforehand and then improve and balance out again afterwards, without noticing or understanding why. (It’s actually very obvious to see if you are working with children, the same as when it’s full moon their energy goes temporarily bananas.)

Once the Equinox is over, and with the added bonus of sunshine; we start to feel friskier, more alive.  So instead of walking around with our head in the proverbial, and in some cases actual smog of modern life. Imagine what you could achieve if you could harness this transformational and vibrant life energy of Spring and applied it to your own life. How different would your life look with a transformation, an energy boost and a surge of inspired activity leading to your own growth?

Very different. And trust me it feels very, very good. In the last 20 years I have been working with nature’s cycles as a guide and tool for my own personal growth and I want to share with you a 5 things you can do to connect with the boost of Spring and re-energise your life. These suggestions are easy and practical to do and will fit into any lifestyle and time frame. You can choose one, a few or all of the below. Do those that inspire you, whatever steps you try you will gain you a fantastic boost of inspiration, whilst reconnecting you with a cycle that humans have been part of since the dawn of humankind.

As its Spring Equinox today why not try the first today and get reconnected with yourself.

Go out for a walk alone

Its simply that. As soon as you can go out for a good hour on your own. Go where it is green. This can be in a woods, in a forest, around the local park and cemetery. Wherever nature is around you. Ignore your phone, Facebook, Twitter, Tinder, emails, sms’s. For this one hour nothing but you and nature exists. (If it helps put some music on.) Use your time to look for signs of the spring returning. Look down at the ground and up at the trees. Smell the earth. Instead of just observing nature, interact with nature. Touch, feel , smell and listen to it. Give yourself the opportunity to awaken your senses and have a sensory experience. Our senses work to engage our attention and help our brain become more alert of our surroundings so when we stimulate them we are actually giving our brain a workout, giving ourselves more focus and intelligence.

Whilst walking allow yourself to think about your life, your goals. Allow inspiration to come and go. I often use nature as the macrocosm to reflect the microcosm of my life. How does it reflect externally what is happening with me internally. When you get home allow yourself 30 mins to free write any of the observations, inspirations, realisations you had.

(This is a great way to connect in with nature AND yourself. It can be done at any time of the year, each season has its own glory and teaching. If you don’t have a chance to do anything else do this one. For something so simple it has such a huge payback.)

Balance yourself

Nature is doing it so why not join in. After all when did you last check in with yourself? Balancing yourself could take the form of making a work life balance assessment (The Life MOT ), realigning your chakras, taking a yoga class or practising a five minute balancing meditation exercise (Here’s my favourite the Tree of Life on Youtube for some inspiration.) Another great way to do this if you have the opportunity is to create an equinox day for yourself giving yourself equal hours of work, rest  and play.  

Clear out

Spring is traditionally associated with “ the spring clean”. In my opinion this tradition arises from the time when we had been staying inside the longhouse during the winter. With the arrival of spring and the new light, more time can be spent outdoors therefore it was time to clean out the house to make space for the new food and materials to be stored after harvest.

Although spring cleaning your home may seem like an arduous and strange task to be doing to help us tune into nature, it is in fact bringing us home into the cycle. In order for new growth after winter beds need to be cleared for the new plants coming. When we tidy around ourselves we also tidy within ourselves (an in times of mind turmoil and confusion can be the achievable task that gets you through the day). Physically by shifting the winter’s dust and cobwebs you are also making your home a healthier place to be. Spring cleaning as unlikely as it seems is a true mind body spirit procedure. So grab a duster, chuck out the old bills you have no use for and if you want a good cleansing after all that hard work book yourself into a spa detox day, go have a healthy lunch with a detox smoothie with friends or jump into the sauna at the local swimming pool. After all life doesn’t all have to be hard work!

Make or revisit your plans

A great way of harnessing the Spring energy is to make or revisit your plans for the year. What goals are working towards? What do you want to create for yourself or your friends and family this year? I find that making plans for actualising my dreams are a lot easier after the Spring Equinox than before. (And if you haven’t got any plans for this year then have a look at my 4 part series on making new year’s resolutions that are easy to keep, it is still new year after all).

It’s at Equinox I revisit my plans, check in to see what is actually realistic now I am further into the year and make detailed plans for those goals. We have in our house a ritual where we combine an Easter tradition and spring goal setting by blowing and painting 3 eggs. (I know it does sound a little strange, bear with me and I’ll explain). On each egg we paint symbols of our 3 main goals we want to achieve. It is a fun way of refocusing our own energy and the symbology of the egg itself reminds us of the spring birth energy throughout the year. And we get to invite our inner children and creative minds into our goal setting process. (Btw the eggs often do look as though our inner children have painted them!)

Take positive action

Remember Walt Disney said “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.” Of And nothing beats connecting with Spring energy like taking positive action. Doing something constructive for new growth is the real theme in nature right now. Personally it is at this time of year I connect with my accountability partner (we have a winter break from Jan – March.) At this time of year we lay out our new goal achieving strategies and support each other to take action. An accountability partner is a great way to support you to manifest what you want in your life. However you might be in need of a different type of positive action. It could be you need a day out to rest and recuperate or an evening connecting with your family to reconnect with yourself. Or it could be time for a life overhaul or just doing that thing that has been bugging you for ages that you haven’t got around to doing. Whatever it is identify what you need to do and do it. And then do the next thing. Small achievements and big achievements go a long way in making us feel great about ourselves and our abilities. So get out there and get going. You will feel fantastic afterwards.  Personally I will be found weeding our garden this weekend. ( I haven’t a clue exactly how to do this as I have never really had my own vegetable garden before, however I am gonna give it my best!)

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Have a great week allowing the Spring Equinox energy to inspire growth, balance and action in your life and have fun getting your spring boost on!

Happy Spring Equinox ❤

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#lifelessons101- The ultimate instant stress relief – Set you inner child free this weekend! (4 min read)

This week has been amazing! Honestly I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in such a long time.

And why? Well this week I have spent a lot of time doing things that has made my inner child incredibly happy. I kid you not! (Sorry. Inexcusable terrible pun… I couldn’t resist it)

Seriously though the last month or so has been stressful (even life coaches get their fair share of tough times you know – I like to think of them as opportunities to practise what I preach and walk my talk). However after finding the 3 steps to turning my monday frown upside down meant I released my inner child, she just continued wanting to play. All the time. So I thought what the heck and decided to make opportunities for her to do just that. We painted, we played games, we watched funny films and we danced, a lot. As often as appropriately possible I took the non serious approach to life and was even to be found galloping around a car park and practicing human dressage! (See the wonderful BBC tv series Miranda.)

The result? I am happier and feeling healthier. I’m definitely more relaxed and freer within myself. The biggest shock of all was that today I found out that in the middle of all of this I have also managed to complete all of my major tasks WITHOUT NOTICING IT! Somehow just by making minimal daily lists and making time for me to indulge my inner child’s whims, I have had one of the most productive weeks I have had in 2017.

Now don’t get me wrong, I get that most of us can’t always release our inner child whenever we want. Not the best idea when pulled over for a random spot check breathalyzer for example. However what I have discovered this week is that allowing my inner child to rule the roost, I have also made other people smile. Which honestly has made my life so much better on so many levels. In the words of Miranda “Life needs to be more jolly”. And it’s true. Everyone needs to feel happier. I can’t think of a single person who if asked “would you like to be happier or more stressed ?”, would opt for stress. So by letting your childish side come out you can actually improve the world around you.

You might be thinking. That’s ridiculous! I can’t be childish all the time. Well no I expect you can’t if you interpret the world childish in a particular way. Especially not if yo look down upon children as lesser than adults. However when I think about children I think about how they see and interact with the world. Children are inquisitive, they want to know how the world works. Children find joy in the smallest of things like a pretty stone, a funny face. They laugh more than us. Children are in touch with their feelings. Children find every possible opportunity to play.  Children are naturally kind and caring. They are not afraid to show love to anyone who needs it or who gives it to them. Children use their joy and their fantasy to make the world a special amazing place and create their dreams. Now that doesn’t sound like so bad a person to be. Does it?

The challenge is for us as adults to tap into our childish source without stepping completely out of our current role. So if you as an adult want  to be less stressed out. To be like the children I described above  then you need to consciously give your inner child a chance to come out. This weekend release your inner child! Do whatever it is that made your 8 year old self happy that you don’t do now. Reconnect with the you that you were to find the joy in who you are now.

Whether you decide to continue giving your inner child opportunities to come out after the weekend is entirely up to you. However I can guarantee that if twice this weekend (once on  Saturday and once on Sunday) that you do something you used to love as a child, your stress level will be dramatically reduced.  It is also so much more fun to do this with a friend, so get your friends family involved – its play date time!

Explore you childishness this weekend. And on n Monday it’s up to you to decide if you want to build a new pillow fort every day and keep connect with your inner child daily or not. Choose whatever works for you. After all it’s you who creates your journey ,so you choose what makes you enjoy that journey the most.
Have a fantabulous, funtastic  weekend – I’m off to go and run around with swords and play vikings with Mr T and friends!

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#lifelessons101 – Sometimes doing what you don’t want to do is exactly what you need and comes with unexpected bonuses (2 min read)

 

Sometimes doing what you don’t want to do is exactly what you need to do. I know when talking about life or personal development we talk about making informed, positive choices. Facing situations with positivity. Sending out the right vibrations. And yes all of these things have value. However there are sometimes in life where you just have to do the things you are unwilling to do. It (at the start)sucks but in the end it brings you the bigger rewards.

 

Take last weekend for example. I was at a “viking” fighting training weekend (yes when I am not running around with a wand playing Tonks, you can often find me running around with a metal replica sword, bashing and being bashed by my friends. Yep I  am a viking re- enactor. I love to fight with r a system known as  western style. It’s on one hand similar to tag with weapons and a lot of historical background! On the other it’s an amazing international and ever evolving sport.) Now in this sport I am not the best, not by a long shot; and typically when participating in training weekend workshops I often have had a tendency to hide away and not fight with the technically clever, aka the people who are blooming good and are probably going to win every fight we have. Basically I would (previously) get into my stuff and limit myself by trying to protect myself from feeling rubbish about my lack of abilities by using one or another excuse to get out of the fights with said people.

 

I know, I know a low self belief spawned, self created situation/drama.

 

And one of which I was completely  unaware of until last weekend when I found myself at a workshop (which I had chosen due to personal interest in the subject)in the company of some the best fighters I know. So I didn’t have a choice. I had to spar with them. I was simply forced into doing something I normally wouldn’t choose to do. And what did I gain? Well I gained a hell of alot. Firstly I realised this whole self limiting and self creating behaviour drama cycle thing I didn’t notice I was doing. And once I got out of my reacting mindset and into my responding humble mindset I learnt more. I even realised how I learn best (which by the way is agonisingly slow, when it comes to doing things with my own body, it’s an Aspergers co-ordination thing). From sparring with those guys, letting down my guard, I learnt so much more because their ability stretched mine and wow do I feel grateful to them and to myself for allowing this learning.

 

And the benefits of doing something I didn’t want to do didn’t stop there.

 

By day two of the training weekend I was at yet another workshop surrounded by much more able people (some of who I would consider to be the best in this sport, this time with a humdinger of a hangover). However now I was aware of it I chose the what the fuck I am doing it anyway even when I don’t want to attitude. Instead of shying away from the harder fights  (in my head) I choose them and by the end of the weekend I had learnt more in two days than I have in two years of fighting. It was exhilarating!

 

Doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do actually freed me from my mental constraints and opened up possibilities for me that weekend. But could that be a one off event? Nope. Being as I like to experiment. I have applied this theory all week. Even today after a week of being home sick (turns out it wasn’t just a hangover I was also sick) I had to return to school, something I really, really did not want to do. And yet it turned out to be exhilarating. The welcome, the learning, the shared jokes. Even when having to point out my opinion against everyone else’s (something I don’t find difficult in English but hate to do in another language). Once again Doing the exact opposite of what my instincts were telling me I wanted to do freed me leaving me open to new experiences. Wow.

 

Now I understand you maybe thinking “I thought I am supposed to respond to my instincts so how can doing the what I don’t want to do fit that picture?” Well asked grasshopper. From what I have learned in the last 7 days, it’s about trying it out. Our brains and especially our unconscious can be very devious. It sends out all kinds of messages and a lot of them contradict each other, making following our instincts very difficult. Ultimately I have found if there is something you really don’t want to do but dare to do it anyway you will often find that it was actually something you wanted to do, you just hadn’t realised it. The making yourself do it was just the kick up the bum you needed to get going.

 

The key to gaining the most from the experience is to (as always) remain open. If you are closed you will only ever endure the drama of doing what it is you didn’t want to do and how awful that was for you. Remain open to the possibilities presented to you when doing something you really didn’t want to do and you will be pleasantly if not overwhelmingly surprised by the benefits.  The choice is yours, its how you choose to experience it.

 

So next time life presents you with something you really don’t want to do – do it * Open your mind and try. The way I see things, any experience in life is a good thing if we learn something from it. Because by learning we grow. So open your mind and dive in. Whether it is facing your hardest opponent, returning to work after being ill or even going to a gig on your own, no matter what it is, by doing that thing you least want to do you will find wealth of learning, possibilities and experiences that you could never have found if you stayed in your comfort zone.

 

So whenever you get the chance break out of yourself, kick your own butt  and choose to do the thing you don’t want to do. You never know what adventure you may start ….

 

Enjoy the journey ❤

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(*With of course taking into consideration that your and other people’s safety will not be jeopardised. Always ce careful of you and other people)  

What planet is he/she on ?!?!?! – 5 ways to understand other people (3 min read)

What planet are they on?!?! There is not one of us who has not asked this question at least once in our lives. Sometimes understanding other people can seem like the most impossible task in the world. It doesn’t matter who it is or your relationship to them. It could be  the teacher that sets the impossible to understand assignment, the guy who never contributes at work, the girlfriend who insists on buying another pair of shoes  or the friend or child that does the exact opposite of what you believe to be reasonable behaviour, sometimes other people are just hard to understand.

Infact not understanding  other people is one of the most common day to day problems we all have as humans. No matter where we are, how we live or what we believe, this is a life challenge that we all have in common. And it is also a challenge that we all have to overcome because like or not we need other people.

But when your communication with another person is as effective as static on a radio it can have seriously negative results on your life. (You know the scenario in my brain’s cinema. In the background one long beeeeep whilst both people make increasingly larger incomprehensible gestures at each other, a situation made absolutely more  ridiculous that they  can’t understand each other because you are actually speaking the same language. You know it, you’ve been there.) Why does communication often go so wrong? There are many answers to that question however often or not, the answer is because we have an emotional investment. And it’s those emotions investments that create misunderstandings.

And that my friends is actually good news! If it’s our emotions getting involved then we can do something about it.  How ? By using Emotional Intelligence (which in a nutshell can be defined a the ability to identify and manage our own  emotions and the emotions of others). Emotional intelligence techniques are vast and many (try typing emotional intelligence into Youtube, Amazon or Google you will see what I mean).  So I am not going to go too deeply here and now. I prefer to share with you (and remind myself !) 5  ways of using emotional intelligence to help understand someone else, even when they seem to live on a completely different planet.

Remember we aren’t all the same: It sounds simple but how often do we forget that people don’t function like we do. This is especially true of people we are very close to like a lover or a partner. Just because you eat together, sleep together, train together or work together does not mean anyone you know is the same as you or has 100% the same perspective as you. We all see things differently. Infact one of life’s universal truths is that no-one will ever have an exact carbon copy of your world view. Accept it and move on. 

Not understanding is your problem not theirs: In the world of not understanding people we are fantastic at putting the blame on to other for it. Even more so if we get back up. For example many people can misunderstand someone who is chronically shy as “strange, aloof thinks she is above us”. If you don’t understand someone it’s more about you than it is about them. Take responsibility for your role, it is not the world’s job to respond to you, it’s your job to find out how to respond to the world.

Check in with yourself: Understanding ourselves better helps us remove barriers to understanding others. What do I mean by this? I mean that when you find yourself not understanding someone then figure out where your emotional investment is and how is that blocking your understanding. By doing this you will not only check in with yourself but you will also learn the habits of your own emotional reactions

Ask don’t assume: The more we ask the more we learn. Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. We often believe we understand when we don’t or worse pretend we understand when we don’t. What would be worse for you telling someone about a serious problem at work for example and them pretending to understand or them showing you respect by asking what you mean. And don’t wait to be asked if you understand ask questions, investigate, the more you do this the more you know, the more you know the more you understand.

Experience more and improve your empathy: We all know that to understand other people we need to use empathy. And I mean true empathy here not the aw poor you,  true empathy is where we truly attempt to shift our perspective into seeing from someone else’s perspective However if you don’t try new things you have a limited base to start out from. Imagining emotions or perspectives someone else would feel or have from situations you have never experienced is hard. The more you experience the wider your empathy database will be. So get out in the world and experience as much as you can! 

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“People are strange” sang Jim Morrison (The Doors and if you don’t know this song where have you been, go directly to youtube. Now. I can wait….) and that means all of us. We are a weird and wonderful bunch that make up this species of humankind. The golden rules of understanding each other are like all the best things simple;

Respond, don’t react, be honest with everyone including yourself and be interested in each other.

If you can master these and use the guidelines above you are always going to be on the right path to connecting and understanding anyone from any planet albeit the person you sleep beside, the stranger on a bus or even the weird teacher whose crazy assignment that makes no sense!

Have fun seeing how many people you can better understand this week and see if you don’t understand yourself more by the weekend too !
Happy Monday ❤

 

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What to do when life goes pear shaped -an 8 step guide from my life (4 min read)

Hello people it’s good to be back!

Some of you who follow the Re:Root blog may have noticed that things have been pretty quiet for a few weeks around here, almost as if I went AWOL. And why? Well the best laid plans can go wrong.  Sometimes life just kicks in and everything goes pear shaped.  (For those of you either not from the UK or from my particular generation that means that the plan went wrong.)

And oh boy it went wrong… or did it? The answer to that is both yes and no.

On the one hand I did not plan for problems with my medication, college, telephone, money and deadlines to hit me all at once subsequently affecting my sleep so that I was functioning on totally drained resources and starting to spiral into a depressive place. However on the other hand the teachings I received during this time, the strength I had to manifest to stop myself sliding down a slippery slope of depression and the cathartic process of allowing my emotions to release has meant that I have come out on the other side a little stronger, a lot wiser and incredibly grateful for the abundance and experience of my life.

In a previous post 5 STEPS TO SURVIVING THE HARDEST OF DAYS… I talked about how to survive when you have a  crappy day. Some of the guidance here is applicable when life goes pear shaped. But usually when life goes pear shaped it is more than just a crappy day or a couple of days.  It’s something unexpected happening which interrupts the flow of your life in a negative way. It can be a week or two and if not taken control of its longer and longer, a pear shaped situation can be seemingly endless. And that my friends is dangerous for you. 

When life goes pear shaped we can choose to allow the situation to drown us or to take it head on and get your life back on track in a richer, wiser way.  

Getting your life back on track when it goes pear shaped is possible. How? With a little connecting, taking control and reconnecting it is possible to deal with the pear shaped moments in life healthily and constructively.

When and if the excrement hits the fan in your life try these 8 steps to bring it back online again.

Be in the moment consciously

When life goes pear shaped the first thing it triggers is our flight or fight response followed by an emotional reaction. A lot of life guidance out there veers us away from feeling and towards taking charge of the situation and yes while that is important it is equally important to allow our bodies natural mechanisms to function. Basically I mean at the start of whatever is happening let your feelings do the running for a few days (preferably no more than three). Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, it’s healthy. Be sad, be angry. I don’t mean let the feeling take over you but just be mindful that you need to feel what you are feeling, Notice each feeling consciously and work it through. Journal, talk, draw, sleep, workout do what you need to do to get to the stage where that feeling is not the be all and everything.

Realise life’s not gone wrong, it’s gone pear shaped.

The words we use shape our view of our reality internally and externally. If you ask yourself why is this is going wrong you are using very negative language. Something that is ‘wrong’ is perceived as hard to fix if not irreparable.  By using the word wrong you are putting yourself in a victim role, a passive role, this has happened to you. In order to bring life on track you need to step into an active role and to that you need to consciously change your language use to change your thinking and change your situation.

Try and think of it this way: In the Urban Dictionary the expression  “pear shaped” is   

“based on the visualisation of a plan being like a perfect circle. When something goes wrong, the plan is distorted and becomes pear-shaped.”

So life has not gone wrong it has just been distorted. This mental shift may not feel like much however it is an ENORMOUS energetic shift in your thinking when you need it the most. A distortion can be adjusted or reversed.

So when you get to the stage where that feeling is not the be all and everything, turn your thinking around by recognizing that life has just gone pear shaped, it is currently distorted. And if it’s only distorted you can change it. But how…

Look for the teaching

Why did this happen to me? (Who has never thought that in their life.) This is exactly the question you need to ask yourself next. (And I don’t mean in the “why did this happen to me it’s not fair!” sense). You need to look for the teaching.

Life is constantly throwing us clues…and we ignore them, or can’t hear them or notice them but don’t do anything about them. When life goes pear shaped it can often be because a particular message has been trying to get through to us for some time and it has had to take it to Defcon 5 to get us to notice. (For example I really do believe that one of the reasons type 1 diabetes manifested in my life was to teach me to take care of myself something I was appalling at).  No matter what the situation in life there is always a teaching. And it is these teachings that help us to grow.

Integration of the teaching

What are you going to do about the teaching or the message life is sending at you? For me I recently unearthed a lot of repressed Daddy issues I thought in place and dealt with that unconsciously still affect my self confidence, even more so now Mr T and I live together .  I could ignore this information but that would result in another even bigger distortion in the future. So I jumped onto to google university and am currently doing 5 mins self love affirmations daily while I slowly work through this old wound.

So once you have found the teaching find your self a way to incorporate this into your life. It  may be a small thing or a big thing you need to do, the important thing is DO SOMETHING with your teaching and DO IT NOW!

Motivation

If you have been following the steps you have your understanding and a plan of how to incorporate this into your life. Sometimes this is motivation enough to reform your pear shaped life into a perfect circle again. Sometimes it’s harder.

If like me you have to fight old habits like falling into the depression cycle then it’s incredibly hard to “pull yourself together and take charge of your life”. However no one will do it for you. Only you can run your life. Accepting this will help with the motivation. Make sure your success criteria can be easily fulfilled. In a nutshell don’t set yourself up for a fail by aiming to high and pushing to hard to start with.  Basically take it slowly and succeed with baby steps. Success is the best motivator in the world so give yourself lots of easy things you can accomplish and slowly work through them (see below).

Be kind

Be kind to yourself and don’t overestimate your success  criteria. What I mean by this is you need to start small. To get your  life back on track you need success experiences.  However you have also been through a process so start with the little things. Washing up is a great mini success experience, as is cleaning. It also has the added bonus that as you clean up your outside world you also clean up your inside world. Once you are managing the small goals work up until you feel like you are back on track then just keep on going! Remember also to not get into the guilt cycle if you don’t make a goal for a few days or even a week. It will happen when you decide you have the right energy to make it happen.

Being Proud

It not easy to get back on that horse after that fall. However you are trying and you need to be proud of yourself for that. And I mean actively proud. You need to be your own cheerleading squad and celebrate your victories no matter how small. The small battles are often the ones that need the most celebrating. You got out of bed Yey! You opted for a healthy breakfast at the table instead of cereal from the packet under the duvet Yes! You went back to work today! It’s time for a celebratory dinner. I know it might feel false at first however there isn’t always someone to clap you on the shoulder to say well done so we have to do that ourselves. A great habit to get into at the end of the day is to write an achievement list. Basically a list of all the things you are proud of yourself for today. And make sure that you start each sentence with I am proud of myself because…………….. AND you include the little things you otherwise tend to disregard.

Call in Support if it gets too tough

No matter what we do need other people. Even Superman and Batman needed their support in the form of Alfred and Louis. So even though this article primarily focuses on what you can do for yourself, you can also ask for help. Whether it’s off loading on a friend or creating an accountability person or finding a therapist, call in the support you need. The important thing here is to make sure that this is the support you NEED. It might be great to cry on a friend initially but after a week is this the best help you need? Is this going to help you consciously turn things around?  Identify the help you need and ask for it.

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By consciously connecting with ourselves and feeling, taking control our negative thoughts and reconnecting with our lives in an altered state of understanding and motivation we can reform the distorted circle and get our lives on track again when things go pear shaped.

 

I look forward to hearing about your success stories down in the comments below. Right now I off to give myself a little self love in the form of yoga followed by a glass of water and then probably a glass of  red wine to end the day. 

Have a lovely week ❤

#enjoythejourney

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