#lifelessons101- Being authentically you in the spotlight in just 3 steps! (2 min read)

When was the last time you were naked? (And no I am not talking about physically I mean metaphorically). In this past week I have had the privilege of participating in the Wonderfully Wierd Women’s Branded workshop created by Esther De Charon De Saint Germain

This workshop for me has been a breath of fresh air.

Why? Well because I dared, I committed and I was authentically me. I put myself out there. And everybody liked it! Now that might not sound so difficult, when put like this, yet it is. Let’s take daring. Daring to do something that you are afraid of doing is natural. Especially when you have to end up in the spotlight. And I mean YOU have to out YOU the real YOU in the spotlight. We are all of us petrified of being us and being rejected. And actually that’s ok. It’s normal, almost genetic you could say. Theories say that this feeling comes from the days when we part of a tribe. Then our survival relied on that tribe, so daring to be in the spotlight was risking the tribe rejecting us, or worse killing us. It’s a basic survival instinct in our subconscious, However we don’t need to be scared of rejection anymore. Because the world is actually a smaller place these days. No-one is going to kill you if you stand up at work and dare to be different or present something. The fear of not daring actually causes much more pain to us than actually doing it. So we have to take charge of this fear.

This week I took charge. I dared to tell a bunch of strangers about me on a personal level. I dared listen to feedback on some really vulnerable things. Was I scared? Hell yeah! Did it stop me? No way! I fought that fear and did it anyway. And the result? A bunch of people I never met saw the authentic me as a strong powerful and even inspiring person. They saw the raw me. It was so empowering. I simply employed the power of fuck it and fuck them. (Not the most poetic of names I know but truly descriptive.)  

What I decided was simple. In 3 steps I found a clear path to being authentically me in the spotlight, and I want to share them with you.

Step number 1 : Acceptance

I basically accepted that not everyone would like me or resonate with me. I can’t please everyone and not everyone is going to like me. So what was the point in hiding me away trying to do the impossible and make everyone like me. And the ‘fuck them’ was born!

Step number 2 : Daring and do

Well if you can say ‘fuck them’ and decide to ignore all the people that don’t resonate or appreciate with you then you can say ‘fuck it’. Why ? Well because really if you know you won’t please everyone it stands to reason you will please someone. So ‘fuck it’. And once you have said ‘fuck it’ you have the power to dare, so do it. For me it was turning up at the workshop, doing the challenge and then putting out there for people to see. It might be the presentation, taking the talk with your partner or simply putting on the dress you are hella nervous about wearing (Oh and when it comes to the dress people won’t notice. This happens to me a lot. I debate, worry, take it on, off etc when I think something is too daring, then I wear it anyway and people just act like , well like normal around me! After all my stress it is a little insulting).  Nike is right “Just do it” be bold be brave and step into the spotlight.

Step number three – Enjoying the results.

So if you followed the step one and two thought processes by now you should have already dared and are standing in the spotlight being authentically you. What next? Well stop closing your eyes and waiting for a thunderclap, open them and enjoy it. When you are authentically you, you will find that the right things happen, the right people are attracted to you and equally the right opportunities open up for you.  When we are authentically and honestly ourselves in the spotlight we inspire people. People actually begin to expect us to do it, it becomes our norm so to speak. So quit worriting and enjoy it.  (Celebrate your successes remember!) And if you meet someone who doesn’t like you then authentic you go back to step one and start all over again!

Have a great weekend and be authentically you while you are at it ❤

REMEMBER

Have a healthy life by celebrating your success! (2 min read)

I’m sitting here alone on a Monday afternoon, in a cafe on a sunny day in Denmark with relaxing jazz in the background and a tall cold, glass of bubbling wine in my hand. I am celebrating my latest success! It’s lovely. I probably don’t look as chic as I feel but it’s the feeling that is important not the way I look. I feel fantastic. And part of the reason I feel so great is not just because I have been successful. It is because I have taken this hour to celebrate my success.

In our busy lives we actually have many successes be they small or large and yet in the hectic schedule they can often be overlooked and therefore go unnoticed.  All work and no play made jack a dull boy and the same goes for you too. Our successes in life are our high points. If we don’t acknowledge them then life is seriously boring.

In today’s society we are all incredibly focused on what is wrong, what is not working and how can we fix it. I am not saying that is all bad, good growth comes from this form of processing; HOWEVER if we only ever focus on the bad, we will only ever see the bad. And if you are seeing only bad then guess what? You will attract more of it. And that my friends creates a negative mindset and we all know how unhealthy and damaging that can be.

There are many reasons why you should celebrate your successes and when it becomes a habit you will find that life actually becomes EVEN MORE successful for you. Why ? Because as you send out a vibration of success the world around you ripples back a wave of success.

Here are 5 reasons why you should celebrate your successes, no matter how big or small, today

It feels great!

It feels wonderful to celebrate something we have achieved. It energises us. When we achieve something our body releases dopamine the happy chemical into our blood. And as  after all being happy and enjoying our life is what we all want, right? So why miss a perfectly good opportunity to enjoy yourself!

It’s inspiring!

 

Celebrating or success can be inspirational to our future successes. Just as we can learn from something going wrong we can also learn from it going right. Make a note of what you did that helped create your success and look at it when you are aiming for a different star.

It’s motivating!

It’s logical. If you are working towards a goal and it always feels like that goal is slipping away and is un-achieveable then why would you want to keep going. By marking our successes big and small, especially the small, we remember them and we can feel how close we are getting to our goal and that makes us want to keep going. Your success are proof that you can do whatever it is your set your mind to do.

It attracts more success!

Basically the more you celebrate your successes you develop a success mindset. And that is a mindset you need to keep feeding. By noting your successes you are telling yourself “look at what I can do”. Keep looking for opportunities to celebrate your success and you will surprise yourself with how often you have success.

It’s shareable!

Celebrating your success with others is a form of sharing abundance. Think about all of your friends happy pictures and statuses on Facebook that make you feel good. People want to have fun, they like to hear good news so let them join in your fun and make everyone feel great!

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So no matter what successes you have had today, big or small, it could be managing to do the washing up when you are seriously depressed or celebrating your first big movie deal, whatever it is celebrate it. Remember as Osho says “Life should not only be lived it should be celebrated”
Have a wonderful week ❤

celebrate your success

What’s your secret Disney Identity? Disney films and characters as a self development and motivational tool (3 min read)

I was recently asked if ‘You were a brand what brand would you be?’ ‘What brand would describe your personality?’ Wow great soul searching questions and the answer? I would be Disney. (And seriously for a natural conscious earth respecting hippie like myself I was shocked at this however the fact remained that I as a brand I would be Disney.) Creative, playful. A Walt Disney quote is even one of my mantras “If you can dream it, you can do it”.

The more I thought about it the more I wondered why is it that I connect so much with Disney? And the answer came to me relatable characters, adversity  and bravery to follow their dreams and stories that connected with me at the right place and time in my life when I needed to hear a particular message.  Honestly the Little Mermaid was me at 11, rash and daring, Belle at 14, desperate to go out into the world and escape my small town life, Mulan the warrior facing and winning against all the odds inspired me in my partially homeless 20s and Tiana now in my 30’s determined to create my dream into reality. I have been a constant Peter Pan all of my days, with the optimism of Winnie the Pooh and lived all of the fears and bravery of Piglet. And not forgetting Up, the film that inspires and epitomises my dream of a true love and partnership.

Most of us have a favourite Disney film and a favourite character. But have you ever thought about what your connection to that story and character is ? (Apart from your tshirts, mugs and cuddly toys either hidden about the home or proudly displayed.) Every story we have heard or seen  and remembered has affected us on a conscious or unconscious level. As we feel drawn to a character we admire them, their personality traits their resilience. I mean who wouldn’t love to have Rapunzel’s effectiveness in housework chores. Seriously though these characters we love display qualities we wish to possess or mimic. For example take my connection with Belle. She didn’t fit in, neither did my 14 year old self. She didn’t seem to care and stayed determinedly herself, my 14 year old self desperately wanted to do that. Belle made sacrifices for her father who she loved and put his needs before her own. Something I have always done (although the latter was not a healthy experience it did teach me a lot). Her story is as much a transformation as the Beast’s and oh didn’t my bespeckled, teeth braced awkward self want the transformation from bookish outsider to a loved and appreciated beauty.

These films, these characters we identify with have messages for us all throughout our lives if we look for them. Recently I re-saw Beauty and the Beast and I was shocked at the power of my emotions. Honestly I was crying and afterwards when I looked at which songs I had been so moved by I realised that my life situation at the moment was reminding me a lot of my teenage gawky school days as I now face my recent Asperger’s diagnosis and living in an entirely new place. The film helped me see the challenge clearly and from that I have now been able to work with it.

Try watching your favourite Disney movie. Make notes of where you feel emotional pulls. Who do you identify with and why? How does this character, plot line relate to you now or in the past. Journal this and see if you can find a teaching in the message the film has given you. (And sorry no I cannot be more specific the message is yours to interpret I can’t guide you there, just keep looking until you find the answer).

Disney characters can also be used as a way of identifying our ideal personalities. Now please don’t get me wrong I am not saying any one Disney character is absolutely perfect, they are not. However as I mentioned before they have qualities we admire that we would like to see in ourselves.

Think about the qualities of your favourite character. What do you admire in them? Write a list. Now look at each quality ask yourself how am I like this? If you cannot see this but would like to then ask yourself ,how can I bring this quality into my life?

Many years ago I found out quite by accident that not only can Disney character’s help us learn about ourselves, they can also act as motivators and inspiration. A girlfriend was in a bad situation. She loved Pocahontas. So I, in my desperation to help ,asked what she though Pocahontas would do. To my surprise her body language took on a different quality. Her head went back and she knew exactly how her favourite character would have handled her situation. So I told her to connect with her inner Pocahontas when she need the bravery to face her problem. A few days later she was on top of the world and the problem was on her way to being solved! I have tried this time and time again and I have always found it works. We just find it easier sometimes to think through another’s perspective and character. Plus when we think of them we smile and feel good, which just goes to show Disney is doing what it does best if it can evoke that feeling even years after we have seen a film.

Or maybe it is as Tinkerbell said “Imagination has no age”. So allow yourself to connect with your inner child and find your secret Disney identity this week. Allow the magical kingdom to open doors and pathways to healing, understanding, bravery, imagination and empowerment whether it’s from a mouse, a fairy, a princess, a stuffed bear or simply a warthog ❤

 

Imagination.jpg

 

 

Radiate self love and a high quality of life in your everyday in 3 steps (3 minutes read)

To be able to love ourselves and have a fantastic quality of life are two of the main goals almost everyone on the planet has yet how many of us allow our outer world to reflect these goals? If you want to manifest self love and a high quality of life (and by that I mean whatever it is you consider to be a high quality of life) you have to create space to allow it to manifest. We often tend to think of this as an internal journey or process, and yes on the one hand it is. On the other hand if you are looking in a mirror, working on your self love affirmations and in the mirror you can see the bathroom is a mess behind you what message do you think this is giving to you own subconscious and everyone else’s about how you value and appreciate yourself and your life?

Your outer world the way you live, the way you dress shows both yourself and everyone else what you think of yourself and your worth. Both these things are mirrors to our relationship with us, our own self love and a mirror of the quality of life we think we deserve. So it stands to reason if you want to have a life of quality, if you want self love this needs to be taken into consideration in your everyday life. Yet how often we don’t take it into consideration, especially with our homes. How many of you rushed out the door this morning dreading the mess you will get home to? (Probably the majority of us!) It’s so easy to say ‘when I get promotion,’ ‘when I move into my dream home’ and ‘when I am living my dream life’ my home will reflect my high quality of life, it will show the world how much I love myself. But you are living in the here and now. Technically tomorrow never comes because when you wake up it is always today, the only day you have the power to change.

So putting the unpacking of the moving boxes off, leaving the washing/washing up/making the bed/emptying the closet until tomorrow means that that the jobs pile up and you don’t feel great about it. It’s depressing. And the universe hears it. If you take the principle that everything you send out gets reflected back to you then trying to manifest self love and a great quality of living whilst living in an environment and manner that says I am not worth better that is exactly what you are going to get.

And that is the complete opposite to what you want. You want an amazing life right now – right? Right.

So let’s do this here and now. I challenge you and me to dedicate this week to creating an environment that reflects your self love and the quality of life you. Here are a few tips to get you started.

What thoughts am I wearing today ?

Now it’s easiest to start with us because on some level What Thoughts Are youWearing Todaywe do this already when we go to work, out with friends etc. We all want to look our best. But have you ever thought about how your mental state affects the choices you make about what you wear and when? When I am feeling worn down I either go for the most comfortable clothes I can find or I dress up and put on a little makeup to boost my spirits, business meetings I power dress to make me feel confident and when gardening having my beaten up cowboy hat on makes me feel proper country and relaxed!

I used to make these choices unconsciously, allowing my mood to dress me. These days by my mirror stand an important post-it note with one sentence on it that reminds
me to be conscious about my choices. It simply says:

“What thoughts am I wearing today?”

Amazingly powerful. I want to feel great about myself. I want to feel strong. So these are the thoughts I put on and boy does it make a difference. Try it and you will see

I am worth the best

Do you remember the L’Oréal ads tagline “Because I am worth it” ? This is my mantra at home, well everywhere actually. I deserve the best and so do you. The I am worth the best attitude I started when I was actually pretty low on cash and at a point in my life where I was recovering from a very bad breakup. I wanted a quick way to remind myself everyday how great I am. So I took the decision to buy only organic food. And believe me that was not easy on the food budget I had.

What thoughtsare youwearing today -Yet every time I saw the organic logo on my shopping, in my fridge I would think I am worth it. My body deserves the best. Even now 3 years later I have it. Today I don’t just keep it at food. I deserve the best and therefore my bed needs to be made so it’s a pleasure to return there at night, therefore eating dinner at a laid table with glasses not plastic bottles, and a candle or two decorating it reminds me every day I am worth the best. Its these small things that show me and the world and the universe that I have a high quality of life and I love myself.

What is the best for you? What shows you you are worth the best? Have a think about it and form to 2 new little habits this week to remind you that you are worth it.

Your home reflecting the quality of your life.

Now take a good look around you (well once you get home or also at your personal space at work).  How does your home, your car, even your wallet reflect how you think about your life?

Is it organised and cosy or chaotic and depressing? I am by no means a neat freak.( Since childhood my floor has passed as a wardrobe and my mother will probably howl with laughter when she reads this next piece of advice and wonder where her daughter has gone.) However almost 20 years ago I read something which has stayed with me always. Quite simply that if you tidy up on the outside then you tidy up on the inside as well. When we clear away mess and cobwebs we make room for new energy to come and fill the space. SO no matter how much I don’t want to do the house work I know at the end of it I will feel 10 000 times better and my life also feels happier.  But where to start.

First you write a description about how your dream home will be. Now compare it to your now home. Chances are some of the things you described are already there- yay go you! So now you just need to work on the other parts. And usually that means clearing out. Start with your wallet, then your bag, then one cupboard and the next until everything has had a cleanse out and you feel lighter. It’s amazing how much stuff we keep that bogs us down and wonderful the feeling of release to let it all go and give it away. Or even sell it if you can.

Now have a look around at your home again and have a great think about in each room
how you can reflect your love for you in one place. Quality.jpgMaybe it’s a painting, a quote on the wall or even a notice board.
A chair set up just for you to read and drink tea. A crafting corner. Your kitchen reorganised to suit your new dietary needs (and if you have been clearing out properly there will be more space with less plates etc!) A pamper station in the bathroom or even just a set up in the house that makes morning routines a bit easier will go a long way to you feeling good about yourself and loving your life right now, right this minute.  Be inventive (or use pinterest as I do for inspiration) and have fun with this. In a way you are feng shui-ing your own home in harmony with your own chi (or flow of energy) it is all about you showing yourself and the world, on a very large scale, that you are worth it!

Just think how great you will feel about yourself when you post the pictures on Facebook or invite friends and family over in the future and they compliment you 😉

 

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Take up the self love and life quality reflection challenge this week and begin building in your own time and tempo the strong foundations of a life when your outer world reflects your inner world in a positive and inspiring way where you have created space for you to love yourself, the look that tells people how wonderful you are and cleared the space for you to focus on quality not quantity in your everyday world.
Let me know how it goes by writing in the comments below. Have a wonderful week of self love and enhancing the quality of your life, until next time enjoy the journey ❤

#Lifelessons101 – Dialoguing with your inner child (4 mins read)

Recently whilst revisiting teachings on self love my inner 754500732c81f4352352174585e95f56child hopped up in a vulnerable and delicate state. She was not happy and desperately needed some comfort and I had no idea why. I had no idea how to talk with her or how to help. In desperation I did some google-fu and searched for help. How to connect with your inner child? Surprisingly although there was a lot of articles out there about this very few of them contained practical advice about what I could actually do.  Lots advice on how to love your inner child but nothing about how to talk to them. Nothing about actually getting to the root of the challenges. Nothing I could use practically.(And if you are a regular here you know that practical application  something I love to do)

Thankfully years of google-fu training has taught me persistence as an art form and eventually I managed to find Dr Jane Bolton with some great ideas on how to dialogue with your inner child and WOW was it powerful. The methods worked I means really really worked. I got in touch with stuff that I never even knew I had felt. And quickly. So today I really want to share this experience with you. Please remember to give yourself plenty of time to do this where you won’t be interrupted, getting in touch with your little you can release floodgates of emotions that have been needing to get out of you for a long long time. Connecting with him or her is special and precious and needs to be treated as such. Also remember to have fun with your inner child. Yes there is a lot of deep work to do with them but being happy and playing with your inner child is also a form of deep work and healing.

So here is my interpretation of  Dr Jane’s 101 how to dialogue with your inner child –

Dialogue

Firstly remember that this is a two way process. You don’t get to be the adult boss here and talk on your inner child, it’s possibly one of the experiences you really didn’t like as a child so there is no reason to repeat it. So it’s dialogue with, not talk to.

Privacy and props

Make sure you are alone and likely to be able to be alone for as long as your need. Gather with you paper, pens, (drawing paper for me was a must) and a cuddly toy to represent your inner child. Plus a picture of you as a child and as an adult.

Written dialoguing

Make yourself cosy. Put the pictures of you where you can see them. And sit opposite the teddy you. Now with your dominant hand as your adult write to your inner child. When you write your reply use your non dominant hand to (represent your inner child).

Keep it simple. Children don’t do complicated grown up language. Your inner child will be shy. Introduce yourself and ask them how old they are. Ask how they are feeling, why do they feel like that. Make friends with them and allow them through this conversation to become trusting of you. If they are sad as them if they would like a hug and if they want one hug the teddy. Reassure them that you love them just as they are. Explain to them that you are the same person you are just all grown up now. As you write you can ask your questions out loud or just on the paper, it’s up to you.  

Reassure your inner child that you will still love him/her no matter what is said. Allow you inner child to feel what they are feeling first. Don’t plug the emotions but allow them to express them, even if these feelings are false beliefs. Release is an important part of healing. Explore the beliefs behind these feelings. And once the pain subsides explain to them how the false beliefs about themselves are not true.  Together find out how you can make your inner child feel loved

Afterwards if they are sad or not ask them what would make them feel better or what would they like to do now. My inner child wanted to draw so we did that together. Me drawing as the adult with my dominant (right) hand and her with my non dominant (left) hand.  But maybe your inner child will want to do something else like swing, climb or play football. Let them do whatever it is they need to feel better. You need to be in your nurturing adult role.

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Dialoguing and healing with your inner child is an incredibly powerful experience. You may feel a little vulnerable afterwards, that’s OK, it’s normal. This is not something that is a one off experience. Your inner child is part of the intrinsic fabric of you and the core of most dis harmonies in your adult life, once you can get there, understand and accept the core then both you and your inner child are going to blossom and enjoy life so much more. For more ideas on how to enjoy life with your inner child check out my post Set your inner child free this weekend!

My little me is not healed but she is happier and currently trying to convince me to have more pink in my life. This is the only thing we disagree on!

Have fun dialoguing with your inner child this weekend – let me know how it goes

Until next time enjoy your journey ❤