#Life lesson 101 – Want not need

 

Mr T is brilliant. No seriously he is. Two nights ago over dinner I was complaining that I was running out of inspiration on what to write on my blog and he came up with this brilliant suggestion. “Why not write about the life lessons you get as you have them”.  Perfect. I had been getting into a frenzy of how can I give advice and what to write about and I forgot the most important rule of writing – write about what you know.

Well as it tends to the universe responded to my renewed desire to learn and the very next day sent me a life lesson 101. It was so refreshing and energising that I felt inspired to share it straight away.

Think about what you want and not what you need.

Let me put this into context for you. I have been stressed out because I want to run 3 workshop programs this year and so far no-one has joined up (well not for the paying places, the free places are completely booked). I had been coming from a place of need. I need these customers to make this work financially, I need to make x amount to make this financially viable. So in need of inspiration I turned to the internet for advice and low and behold it presented me with a three part workshop about Using the law of Attraction to attract your ideal clients by the lovely Debbie Talbert. It was brilliant. Debbie’s words inspired me to  remember that need comes from a place of desperation. The universe gives what it hears and desperation is not a vibration you want to carry around with you (trust me on that one).

Whilst completing the webinar workshops I refocused my attention to attracting the kind of clients I want to work with, the working life I want to create. I was reminded of how when we get clear about what we want it gives the universe a clear message of what to give us. And when we allow it to give, it does. It also reminded me that two thoughts could not occupy the same space at the same time. So I need to convert my script to the positive in order to attract the positive, to focus on abundance and not lack.

The whole experience just reminded me of how powerful the universe and conscious living  is.  If you have been in a similar situation of desperation try this simple exercise to turn your thoughts to want not need and feel the energetic shift as you immediately identify what it is you want and the clarity that arrives on how to get there. Basically it’s a thought shifting process turning the negative into the positive, what you don’t want to what you do want.

Divide a piece of paper into two columns. One is “What I don’t like” the other is “What I do like”. Think about the situation or challenge you need to resolve. e.g I wanted to attract the ideal customer so I had to define who that is.

Now write a list of at least 10 things starting with the sentence “I don’t like”.

e.g I wrote I don’t like time wasters, I don’t like people who disrespect me by wanting my services for free.

Once completed turn each statement into a positive starting with the phrase “I do like”and physically cross out the negative statement.

I converted my sentences too: I like motivated focused people. I like people who respect me and want to pay for my services.

Now the important part. Read your positive list allowed. It is amazing how positive it can make you feel when you have turned these negative thoughts around to positive thoughts. Remind yourself that you are in the process of attracting all you do, know or have to manifest what you want in your life and that the universe is unfolding in a way to create this for you.

Now trust and do something else! Seriously take your mind off it and do something else. You should feel lighter, happier and a step closer to your goal or solving your challenge.

Now watch the universe unfold and provide you with what you wanted and be grateful. Remember when we give gratitude the universe just keeps providing us things to be grateful for.
Have a wonderful day 🙂

 

sometimes you need to look fro a different perspective

Time is our most important possession

“I’m late, I’m late for

A very important date.

No time to say hello, good-bye,

I’m late, I’m late, I’m late”  Lewis Carroll/Walt Disney Films

When Alice fell down the rabbit hole, in Lewis Carroll’s ageless children’s story; she meets the white rabbit who spends his time rushing from one appointment to another, constantly running late with no time for the niceties of life. In a way we all know or are this white rabbit. With all the pressures of deadlines, meetings, economy, answering emails, not to mention social events, families, parents evening, the dentist, playdates, facebook updates and so on, it is easy to see why “Time-poverty” has become an everyday issue in the western world. Like the white rabbit many people feel rushed off their feet with no time in their life.  

“I’m late and when I wave,

I lose the time I save.”

Poor old rabbit is obsessed with time as is modern man. Time means money. Therefore we are all obsessed with saving time, doing things in time and using time productively. I know I personally became incredibly bitter about not having time to do the things I wanted to do at a period in my life where I had a daily 5 hour commute and a family to cook, clean and wash clothes for (not to mention all the little extra time stealing jobs like potty training). I became lack of time obsessed. The bitterness and resentment simply added to my stress and made me hell to live with.

So what’s the solution? Part of this is simply beginning to accept that there is enough time to do what you want to do. After all our actions are born of our own choices. Accept that there is enough time. “Fine!” I hear you say “But what about all the deadlines and appointments I have ? They aren’t going away!” Of course not. Acceptance is not a magic wand, it won’t wave away everything that needs to be done. However what will help you is to start using your time consciously. Your time is one of your most important possessions. By taking control of your time you take control of choosing how you want to spend your time, in essence you choose how you want your life to be.

Here is my recipe for taking control of your time and showing yourself that you value yourself by how you choose to use your time. These simple steps turned me from an embittered time miser to the person with an abundance of time I am today.

Acceptance

Accepting there is enough time is a challenge. (Believe me this one took me awhile) It’s about changing the dialogue in your mind. If you tell yourself you don’t have enough time you won’t have enough time. In a way you are right, none of us has unlimited time, however we have the time we have. You have all the time you need to do what you choose to do.

So to accept change your inner dialogue. Every time the stressed bunny pops up into your head, screaming that you don’t have enough time, repeat this mantra in your head and eventually the stress bunny will disappear down the rabbit hole for good.

I have all the time I need to do what I choose to do.

or

I have the time I have

3 list system

By now you all know how I love my lists. I actually use a three list system and it works. I have a notebook within which I write down everything I want to do in that month and that includes the fun stuff too. Then each week I check in with that list cross of what I have achieved and then make a list of what I want to do for the next week. Each morning I use that week list to help me plan my day. AND I remember to make at least 30 mins of ME time every day-very important and not to be sniffed at.

Some people recommend making daily lists in the morning, some on the evening before. I recommend what works for you. The best part is the feeling of self satisfaction you get from crossing off the things you have completed!

Oh and remember the 70% rule. A day where you have accomplished 70% of what you wanted to do is a HUGE success. Remember you have the time you have.

ABCDE Prioritising

I found this system in the book Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy, it works. So once you have your plan for the day write ABCD or E next to the goal.

“A” is for “very important;” something you must do.

“B” is  for “important;” something you should do. This is not as important as your ‘A’ goals..

“C” stands for things that are “nice to do;” but which are not really as important as ‘A’ or ‘B,’ goals.

“D” stands for “delegate. If someone else can do it then delegate.

“E” stands for “eliminate, if possible. This is the least important thing for this day. Although make sure this is not the fun thing or the you time in this day. You time is equally as important as a deadline or helping little Johnny make his macaroni T-rex sculpture for science day.)

Repetition and Structure

Structure helps us all. I fought this for a long time, even after I got a  sickness for life that demands structure. What I didn’t realise is that structure actually gives freedom. When I know what I am doing for the week I can choose to go to a late movie or a bottle of wine or two dinner, because I know when it’s the best time for me to do it.

For me the best way of structuring is repetition. For example Mr T and I eat the same dinner 4-5 nights a week. We only have to cook it once and then reheat it. The other days we take it in turns to make something nice. I tend to write at the same times every day and give myself only 1 hour at a time. Bedtime is the same 5 times a week. I even once read about a successful CO that wore the same clothes everyday (hopefully fresh versions of the same clothes otherwise ewww!) However you choose to do it find some ways to make repetition in your life. These repeated habits become automatic and easy. It frees up so much time.

Decide what kind of day you want

I found this wonderful tip online (I am afraid I can’t remember who and where I found it or of course I would credit you). In the morning, maybe whilst making your daily list or eating your breakfast, decide how you want to feel this evening when you sit down to dinner. What do you want to feel good about? And that is simply the most important goal of the day. Whatever it is, however you imagine it go for that. After all it’s your time, choose how you want to spend it.

So to recap to take control of your time-poverty;

  • Accept you have the time you have
  • Make lists and plan your day
  • Prioritise your goals with ABCDE
  • Decide what kind of day you want to have

Take steps to consciously be in charge of your time and show yourself how much you value you by taking care of your most precious possession.
Have a lovely day, however you choose to spend it 🙂

Nature does not hurry

Letting go, giving space to grow

If the old doesnt go

Today is a hard day. Today I am leaving the best workplace I have ever had to move to a completely new area, to take an education in a foreign language, to move together with Mr T and to start to go it alone and make dreams a reality. Everything in my future looks shiny and full of possibilities however to make this decision has been one of the hardest experiences of my life.

There is an old Chinese saying “If the old doesn’t go, the new cannot come.” And it’s true letting go is a positive action in your life. It’s easy to see this in nature, when the old plants are cleared the new shoots can come through the earth. When we think of letting go it can often create pictures in our mind of crisis situations which force us to let go such as a relationship breakdown. However letting go is also relevant to following our dreams and making positive changes in our lives.

It can be a challenge to break the mould, to step away from the security of the life we know. If you are in this position where you want to make a change in your life here are some ways to approach the decision making process.

Positive / Negative life list

I know I am the queen of lists, however i find when I write out my thoughts my head is clearer and I can better focus on solutions. So have a look at your current life. What has a positive impact on you? What has a negative impact? Be critical and harsh. This is your life, only you can create the life you want so be honest with yourself.

World without money?

Ask yourself if there was no such thing in the world as money or if money was not important, what would you like to do? See this clearly in your mind. This the life you want to create.

What will you gain?

Look at what would you gain from living your dream life. This is usually the easiest part.

Compare

Compare your dream, the bonuses you will gain with your current life situation written in your positive / negative list. This should give you a very clear picture of what you need to remove from your life. Anything that doesn’t help you create your dream life you need to let go of. And that can be from both sides of your list.

Accept

If you truly want to create your dream life you need to accept that you will have to let things go. Cue Elsa from Disney’s Frozen, and yes i highly recommend playing this loudly whenever you feel the desire to return to comfortable patterns of behavior. Our natural reaction to change is to hide in the comfortable life we know, even when it is obvious this habit doesn’t serve us. Remember by accepting and letting go you are saying to the universe I want a better life. I am making space for something better for me. When we ask the universe and act upon our true desires it will respond.

Fears

Oh the enemy it will rear it’s ugly head, again and again and again. It is scary instigating change in our lives. Change does trigger our fight or flight mechanism and fill the body with adrenaline and limiting thoughts. Your brain will believe what you tell it so don’t let your fears take over. If it gets too much bring in the support, call your best friend, your parent and tell them I need to hear that I can do this, can you help. You are not alone in making this change of letting go what doesn’t serve you. Your actions ripple out and affect the people in our lives, so include them in the process and beat those fears into insignificance.

Make a plan

Yes, Yes I know, I love plans. They make life easier. And the feeling of success when crossing off an action gives a great sense of achievement. For me plans make things easy. I write the steps, I follow the steps, I hit an unexpected process so I evaluate the change in the plan and move on. Plans keep you focused. I am a visual person so I make a vision board (in fact I make one every year). Each day I can look at my vision and it reminds me of the reality I am creating and how much closer I am every day. And in this planning process, most importantly; remember to give time to you. Change takes time to become a comfortable process, allow time for this.

Riding the storm

Storms come and storms pass. Personally I love riding the storms in my life, even though they are sometimes painful processes. I usually find that as an element of chaos comes into my life or the feeling of this is never going to work, firstly it motivates me to try harder. And at the same time a storm usually means I am closer to my goal than I ever was before. After all if you think how fragile a plant shoot is it takes a heck of a lot of effort for it to break through the topsoil and grow towards the sun. Use a storm as a motivation and remember when it is over that the world and your life is usually fresh and light again.

Enjoy the journey

This is fun! This you creating the life you want, enjoy it. Don’t just focus on the goals focus on the journey. Life’s a journey. If we focused on our end purpose we would simply be focusing on our own death. Well that’s a happy prospect. Although you are working towards a goal remember that the process of attaining that goal is also part of gaining that goal. Enjoy your achievements, note the lessons you learn and be in the now. Letting go brings the new into your space, by being in the now you are conscious of this and can enjoy it even more.

 

So let go what doesn’t serve you, clear the debris in your life to grow something new and enjoy the journey of creating your dream life 🙂

And when you need to remember that letting go helps remember to turn to Elsa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

 

Change is just another word for adventure

changes gives you the oppertunity to grow

Change happens around us every day. We all go through life changes puberty, marriage, old age. In natural world the process of the seasons transitioning is much quicker than the natural changes is in our lives. Conscious change(when we know it is happening), can be one of the scariest processes of all. Conscious change can often be unexpected and a sharp jolt in the journey in our lives such as a death, a relationship breakup or even losing our jobs. Or it can be planned a wedding, a pregnancy or moving home. No matter how conscious change comes whether seen as positive or negative, our natural reaction comes with fear and anxiety and often stress.

In 6 days I am making one of the biggest changes in my life. I am moving away for the life I have created for myself over six years in Copenhagen and moving to Jutland to begin living with my boyfriend of two years, the wonderful Mr T. Now although this is a happy moment in my life and one I have dreamed of for, well two years; I am shocked at the amount of fear and anxiety I am feeling. As always I want to understand and work with these feelings to grow from them. So over to my favorite resource google and in my research I have found it is actually a perfectly normal reaction to life changes, no matter how pleasant they may be. (Yey! I am normal not an emotional overreacting wreck losing sight of perspective and sanity!)

Biologically when we face change our bodies get into fight or flight mode. Chemicals and hormones and adrenaline start to race around the body and we stand in the middle like a rabbit in the headlights. The body can’t actually differentiate between physical threat and the stress of change. Great, and I thought I was just concerned about being packed on time and having enough space on the trailer.

Fortunately there are ways of coping with change in a positive way. Here are …….tips I have found to help me and you cope with changes in ours lives.

Acceptance

It’s ok to feel afraid, anxious or stressed don’t beat yourself up about it. Remind yourself this is a natural reaction to the change in your life.

Identify your fears and feelings

Write a list of your fears and feelings. When you identify what your challenges are you will be able to see where you can resolve some of these things and where you have to accept them. I have used part of the serenity prayer to help me with this process.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Find the opportunities to grow

Every change creates new opportunity to grow. Sometimes it is hard to see but the loss of a family member can bring a family closer, the loss of a job the oppertunity to find something better for you. Think back over the major changes in your life. How did these changes give you opportunity to do something positive in your life? Again make a list of all the opportunities this change will create for you. Remember this big change is just a phase of transition and you will find a rhythm in your life again.

Make a plan

Of course this is not always applicable . If it is applicable make a plan of how you will respond to this change. For me I found this list was actually much bigger than I expected and really helped me feel positive about the coming change.

Use your support network

It is ok to ask for help, to talk through your fears with your family and friends or even if you feel comfortable within a help forum. If you are moving there are so many ways to keep contact with loved ones email, phone, Facebook or even the old fashioned letter. If you need help it is a good idea to try and identify how you need help. For example I have asked Mr T to be especially romantic and loving this week to remind me how lovely it will be together forever.

Do what makes you feel happy

If exercise is your thing then do that, drawing do that. It’s good to relax although when fears are getting the better of us it’s good to relax in a busy way. Don’t forget to watch your favorite films and at this time yes it’s its ok to eat some of your favorite comfort foods too!

Reaffirm to you that this is a positive experience

Affirmations are a fantastic way of tricking the brain into a new thinking pattern Every time your brain tries to go into your fears tell it NO. Then fill your brain with a positive affirmation. You can use the following or create your own, and keep it simple

“I can do this”

“Everything will be alright”

“All is well in my life”  

“I am willing to change and grow”

If you find it challenging to say an affirmation I find it helps to pick my favorite to print out and put up at home or use it as a screensaver.

Remember that the nervousness won’t go completely away, however I found that by using these steps it does help the nauseous feeling in your stomach turn into butterflies and now I am feeling excited about the coming change in my life . After all change is just another word for adventure…….

 

8 ways to enjoy the weekend alone

It’s Friday! Woohoo for the start of the weekend! Work feels lighter, people smile more and are looking forward to weekend relaxing. But what if you live alone? The weekend can be a lonely black hole.  Or alternatively a weekend alone can be full of social dates so you don’t get to properly relax for the coming week.  Two years ago I began to live alone after 8 years of living with a partner and his child. At first I booked my weekend full of social events, I was never alone and never home. Inevitably I began to get ill, my body was over exhausted with no energy for my work. I got sick. Very sick. And I suddenly was forced to spend a lot of time at home alone. So instead of wallowing (well okay I had a day or two of wallowing) or cleaning, I chose to make this time Me Time.  I now two years later get cranky if I don’t get my me time. It gives me a chance to check in with what is important to me, rest my body and give myself the freedom to do what I want to do.  In fact this is so important to me that as I am my wonderful Mr T plan to move together we have decided to have our own rooms to make sure we get this time.

There are many ways you can make your weekend alone special for you. Here are 8 ideas that can inspire you to create your you time when you need it.

Music, music, music

Music can make you happy, it can make you relaxed. So as soon as you get home on a Friday night, put the stereo on. (Ok now I am showing my age, I guess today it’s put Youtube or  Spotify on).  Alone you can choose whatever music you like, no arguments, So turn it up, dance around the kitchen and start the weekend on a high note.

Prepare a special dinner

Often if you live alone you don’t make the effort to prepare a special dinner. Personally I make a big dinner every Sunday and eat the same thing from Sunday to Thursday. Friday and Saturday is my day for a special dinner. Whether at home  or at a restaurant eating alone can be a fun experience. (Plus if you do eat alone at a restaurant it’s cheaper!) It’s a time to treat yourself to eat your favorite food, sit up at the table and enjoy a glass of your favorite something.

Pamper yourself

Everybody enjoys a good pampering although we often don’t take the time to do it.  Light the candles, make your own massage oil and give yourself a foot or hand massage, have a warm shower or bath, exfoliate, use a face mask, whatever works for you. Or alternatively many swimming pools have saunas, steam rooms and Jacuzzi. Its a great treat for the body and so relaxing. You’ll feel better for a pampering and sleep better too, this is a sure fire way to re-energizes the body.

Get out of the house

Being inside for the whole weekend can make you stagnant. Get up, turn your computer off and get out of the house. Take a walk in nature, go to a museum, make yourself a picnic. You can even go to the cinema alone. (Believe me it’s not so daunting as it sounds. I really enjoy it and the best thing is I can talk about it with my colleagues on a Monday!) In nature I can relax more without other people. I can choose my own pace and don’t feel pressured to enjoy my walk in the way other people want to . Also take pictures, it will help you to remember the fun you have had.

Exercise

Exercise it one of the best dopamine creators in the universe. I am a complete dopamine junkie. I love it. Doing an hours exercise not only gives you that boost, it also makes you feel great about yourself. Whether you like running, yoga, weights or Pilates. Get moving and feel great.

Creativity

Get creative. Whether it’s painting, writing or starting a new hobby bring out your inner artist and enjoy making again. I am the artistic type one of my favorite activities in the woods is to make nature mandalas with whatever I can find, it helps me interact with nature on a totally different level.

Contact people

If you are feeling down or far too lonely then you can always contact people. Maybe there is someone you have been thinking about but haven’t spoken in a while. A weekend is the perfect time to contact them and have a catch up.

Have a childish day

Release the inner child. What did you enjoy doing when you were a kid. Personally I loved drawing and colouring while watching a film and eating cheese on toast. I enjoyed doing jigsaws, making Lego and playing on my Sega (I love sonic and I am not ashamed of it!) As we grow older we do lose the childhood fantasy, (do your remember when your pictures played out like stories in front of you or was that just me?)  however why should play be restricted to the smaller people? We all feel like big kids anyway so release your inner child and play.

In Denmark there is a concept called hygge, it roughly translates at cosy time. Danish culture is built around hygge and making things nice for you and for others, not surprising that Denmark is known as the happiest country in the world! So take a leaf out of the danes book and make the weekend cosy and special for you.
Have a happy hygge weekend 🙂

create your own sunshine

 

Attitude of gratitude :)

What are you grateful for today

You may have heard this phrase before that the key to a happy life is to have an attitude of gratitude. (A phrase that although absolutely accurate also makes me instinctively wince from the cheese factor that comes with it). Looking around us in nature right now, it’s practically impossible to not see the bountiful harvest that she is providing us with, bringing us food that will sustain us throughout the next year. As always nature reflects my own life and recently with the big changes happening in my life it has become increasingly apparent to me how much I have to be grateful for.  The more I am grateful the more positive I feel, and the more I have to grateful for, in fact you could call it a vicious circle if it wasn’t so great at making me feel so happy!

However it didn’t come easily to bring this attitude into my every day. I mean I had always been a grateful person but it was intermittent. With everyday life work, hobbies, making food, cleaning, seeing friends and general life it can be tough to actually take time out to say hey life is actually fantastic aren’t I lucky. You know what I mean   if you are in an office every day, commuting the trough a busy public transport system or motorway, people including you are so taken up with deadlines, rushing and under pressure, that they don’t take time out to or feel they have the time to reflect and be thankful on a daily basis.

The thing I found is that it takes a lot less time and energy than you think to be grateful on a daily basis. So here are a three simple steps you can take to invite an attitude of gratitude (wince) into your everyday life.

Nature

Nature is always showing us its beauty.  Nature is a mirror. It reflects the seasons of our own lives. As I said before at this time of year, in the Northern hemisphere the land around us is showing her bounty. The trees are beginning to fill with fruit, the earth is full of ripe wheat ready to harvest. There is so much to be thankful for when you take the time out to go outside and look around you. If you find it challenging to be thankful for your daily life then go outside, Take deep breaths of air, sit under a tree and see the sunlight dancing through the leaves. Watch the animals around you whether it is an ant, a bird or a dog. Nature will always give you something to smile and be grateful for.

Keep it simple

Being grateful does not always have to be about the big things. In fact often if you focus on being grateful for the big things e.g. a new promotion, a holiday in the sun; you can set your expectations too high and it has the opposite effect, kick starting a downward spiral. Not that you can’t be grateful for these things, it’s just good and easier to start simply.

When asked what are they grateful for children often answer with pure simple gratitude. They are grateful for their families, their toys, their food (often ice cream) and my personal favourite, the colour blue!

So when being grateful keep it simple. You can be grateful for your breath, for your morning cup of tea or the smile on your daughter’s face when she blows bubbles in her milkshake. The beauty of being grateful is there is (generally ) no way of being wrong. So start with the simple things and see how by enjoy these gifts consciously the sweeter life becomes.

Gratitude list

Yes the old chestnut the gratitude list. Why do we keep hearing about this? Because it works. I make my gratitude list every morning when I wake. It’s the first thing I do after making my morning tea. And yes being grateful for my morning tea features often on that list! I keep myself within the boundary of naming three things I am grateful for. For each sentence I write I am grateful for………………… It makes my day start with a positive thankful heart and makes me more aware of things that I am so lucky to have or experience as my day continues.

 

The saying goes that the more you thank the universe, the more you have to be thankful for. And it’s true. So start to introduce an attitude of gratitude (wince) into your life and you will find that those grey clouds on the way to work don’t bother you when you are inwardly rejoicing, your heart singing as you still feel the warmth from the glorious cup of tea.

So what are you grateful for today?